Please give me some advice

[Bern]

I finally saw my GI this week and she was very reassuring. I was on a 10 day course of vanco, and I started my taper yesterday. She said I will recover from this, but in a few months she wants to do a colonoscopy to check for Chron's, since my mother had it. She examined my belly, said it felt fine and she wasn't worried. So why am I such a mess? I've been taking xanax around the clock, and this week I have an appointment with a psychiatrist to get this anxiety under control. I'm barely functioning. I'm scared this will never go away. I relapsed once after Flagyl (my gp prescribed that first) and then after that I went to my GI. My stools have been formed for days, and I usually go two or three times a day. No blood, no mucus. I still have some discomfort and a bloating feeling. I'm watching my diet and taking Florester. I'm due to go back to work tomorrow (I'm a teacher) and I wonder how I will get through the day with this anxiety. What is happening to me that I can't stop obsessing and worrying? I thought I would feel better after seeing my GI, but all I keep reading about is people having relapse after relapse. Also, I cleared sibo right before I got c diff, so the past 9 months have been rough.
My other question is does anyone else notice the pain/discomfort is worse when sitting or laying in certain positions? What is that about? Is it because my colon is battered and some positions make it feel worse? Thanks so much everyone for reading this and responding. I really need to get a grip.

[sammyp]

You may want to consider doing what I did and stay away from support boards, Facebook groups, and Dr. Google for awhile. While they can be tremendously helpful they can also cause excess anxiety. My therapist suggested taking a break and I did while I was tapering Vanco. I noticed a substantial decrease on my anxiety when I wasn't spending hours a day reading worst case scenarios. Now that I'm 14 weeks post treatment and doing well, I'm back and offering hope to others. It may be time to step away and try to keep busy/distracted by things that aren't CDiff related. That and mental health support which it sounds like you're doing which is awesome. I have an excellent therapist and she has been my lifeline through all this. Take it from someone who was suicidal for months dealing with this - it does get better. I just posted my success story in the success story thread and I never would have imagined I would make it this far. But here I am.

[beth22]

I am a teacher as well. I find I am less anxious at work because my mind is occupied with other things. Maybe work will help you to not worry as much.

[Musings]

I have general anxiety anyway but when I had c.diff, and during recovery, my anxiety was spiked to levels that I had never experienced previously. I agree with sammyp that constantly reading about c.diff on forums, etc. (where usually only those with worst case scenarios are posting) does not help but it might be a good idea to also talk to your doctor to see if medication would help and you can also consider therapy - both of which I pursued and they did help.