Vancomycin + Relapse Reassurance Request

[Musings]

There are plenty of forums/resources for anxiety related issues but if you are still in severe pain then agree with the others who have posted here that you do, in fact, need "medications and stuff" as c.diff is an illness and can't be reassured away. Trust me, most of us would have been thrilled if it was possible but we had to go through multiple rounds of medications and/or FMTs to recover.

~Lauren

[notheidi]

Abject terror can present itself as an insatiable need for reassurance. I know because I've been there. No matter how much anyone reassures you, it isn't enough because you can't take it in.

I have been focusing my efforts on radical acceptance. This is where I am right now. It sucks, but there's not much more I can do about it, except just focus on the present moment and get through it.

The mind[expletive] aspect of c diff for me is that I always felt like, 'If I only did x, then I'd get better [or diagnosed, or...insert any other desired outcome].' It never quite turned out that way; as much "x's" as I tried to do, it didn't always lead to the preferred outcome. Sometimes it led to more suffering; sometimes it did help. Now I am trying to focus my efforts on trudging along, just putting one foot in front of the other.

C diff causes so much suffering that it's only natural to try to innoculate yourself against that suffering, be it through urging your doctors to do things (sometimes the correct action to take, and sometimes not--very hard to tell), or asking others for reassurance that you won't relapse, or any other methods we try to avoid pain and suffering.

The person you really need the reassurance from is you. Can you accept your condition? Can you reassure yourself that no matter how many times you relapse, you will still be there for yourself? Just focus on today, if you can.

I hope you feel better soon.

[notheidi]

Also, you could go read some of the stories in the Success Stories thread. :)