C Diff and dating?

[ashtontw]

Wondering if anyone has had experience with dating or new relationships while at the end of treatment and during recovery. My last BF and I split up because he couldn't handle me being sick and said that "nothing is wrong with me"...if only he knew! He was a horrible support system.

Anyways, I've been seeing a new guy for a couple of weeks now. My friends, family, and even my therapist told me not to tell him about C Diff right now and let him get to know the real me aside from the sick me. I'm almost to the end of my Vanco taper. This troubles me, because I don't want to hide things or lie. But I also see where it's important to let him get to know the real me and not the sick me. I got a horrible cold sore outbreak a few days ago and he has been so understanding and refuses to let me hide away because of it. Cold sores are always a nerve racking thing to go through with dating. Also worried about when the time comes to have sex. I don't want to put him at risk. As long as proper hygiene is followed, is sex okay?

Anyways...just looking for input, opinions, etc. Doing things the right way is important to me. And so far, we seem to hit it off very well.

[cdiff454]

I'm not sure what the big deal is on this one. You *are* sick right now so he's getting to know the sick you whether you like it or not. It's been a few weeks and if things are going well I dont see where hiding it helps anything. As a guy myself I can't really see where having a stomach infection would be a deal breaker. It's not like it was caused from shooting up heroin or anything like that! I also don't see where it would cause me to modify any behavior, unless there were certain practices involved in you sexual relationship which probably aren't appropriate to discuss on this website lol.

If you're getting cold sores then presumably you have either type 1 or 2 oral herpes...and if that knowledge hasn't impacted his relationship with you then this certainly shouldn't. I'd be more concerned about transmitting that to him genitally than c-diff, assuming he doesn't already have it.

[ashtontw]

You're right, he is dating the sick me. He just doesn't know it. I think the big difference for me is the anxiety. Once someone knows about C Diff, I feel safe confiding in that person and letting my anxiety and fears out. I don't have anxiety with him because I don't talk about my symptoms with him. He's like my escape, if that makes any sense. He makes me happy and he's basically the only person in my life that isn't in on my illness and it's nice to be able to live and spend time with him and not have any worries and live without the anxiety and venting that I snowball into. If that makes any sense.

He told me he's gotten cold sores before. Which is good on my account, I can't give him HSV1 oral that he already has. There will definitely be no kissing or other action going on until my sores are gone, I know I can still give it to him genitally and then vice versa.

[WestMass]

I can totally understand why you are nervous to tell him. I get nervous about telling certain friends about this illness. So many people just don't understand it. I myself had never heard of it! I would say the fact that he was supportive during the coldsore break out is a good sign! I get them too and they are completely embarrassing. This is a tough one. One one hand, if you wait, it might seem deceptive. However, you also don't want to get too personal too fast. Maybe see how you're feeling after the taper? If you are still unwell, then it might be time to tell him. Good luck and congrats on a new relationship!

[ashtontw]

Exactly! And my ex's reaction to it has me afraid of telling any other guy I date. My ex accused me of faking, even when he was the one that took me to the hospital and was sitting in the room when the doc came in with my positive C Diff test results...unreal! You never know who will actually be there for you. This guy is like a 10/10 and I expected him to be shallow, but so far he is so far from it! Maybe this is something good coming for me out of all of this mess. I like the waiting until after my taper idea. And I'm so sorry you deal with cold sores too. C Diff and cold sores - both things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

[beth22]

I don't believe in keeping things from people, especially things that impact your life, like c diff has. I've been married for 37+ years and I don't keep secrets from my husband. He gets to hear what's on my mind whether he wants to or not. The same from him. In my opinion, honesty is the best policy. You could tell him towards the end of your taper and say something like you've been dealing with this infection and now you have to come off the medication and are a little anxious, or whatever. But, if you expect him to be honest with you, then you have to be honest with him.

[ashtontw]

Beth, I like what you said. I think that I will plan to bring it up as I'm nearing the end of this taper. I at least want for these cold sores to go away before I drop another health bomb on him...hopefully he doesn't run for the hills! But I do feel that honesty is the best policy also and even by not telling him, I'm hiding it. Maybe he will be a great support system and this is my silver lining for all of the suffering. Thank you for the advice!

[Jill79]

I just wanted to chime in and say congrats and that I'm really happy to hear that you've found an "escape" or a part of your life that can take you away from this C. Diff stuff after all you've been through! I also agree with Beth, but I've been in the same relationship for 12 1/2 years so nothing is sacred anymore. lol

[jds0870]

I actually started dating a new guy at the very end of my c diff treatments and right before my two fmts. I told him. I wanted him to understand why I couldn't eat a lot of things when we went out or when he cooked. And why sometimes I just felt like crap. I didn't want him to think I was hot and cold because sometimes I just couldn't make it when I didn't feel well. He understood. I didn't go into all of the gross stuff, I just gave him the basics. It's been a year now and he is still there. So a man that cares for someone will not be deterred because you have c diff. My recovery has been very hard I don't think I could have went without telling him.

[Lisa33]

This is definitely a tough situation. As Beth said, I do feel that being honest is best. I think you would feel relieved if he was with you knowing the whole truth. Then you know his feelings are real. If somebody can't handle the situation, then they are not worth being with. Life brings many curveballs and will test relationships. You need to be with somebody that will support you through thick and thin. Starting off with secrets is not the best idea in my opinion. And to put things into perspective, c-diff is not easily transmitted, especially when practicing proper hygiene. It is not something that you will have forever either. Herpes as common as it is, can be harder to accept for some people as it's something that is way easier to transmit and something that never goes away. If he was accepting of that, I think he will handle c-diff just fine. For the record, if somebody has true feelings for somebody else, I don't think herpes should be a deal breaker either. These things do not define who you are as a person.

Lisa

[georgina]

Ashton
Congrats for finding someone to share your good and bad days with and try not to be scared about telling him about your issues, if he really likes you he will accept!!
Let me tell you about my experience. Two months before my wedding I was diagnosed with TB (not contagious, not that they found TB in my sputum but I had a little lump on my right lung) then I came down with Cdiff (on top of TB treatment) and I was so lost . I was thinking "why this man still wants to marry me, I really don't look like a wife , I look more like a wreck" , I asked him if he wants to call off the wedding and he didn't even wanted to hear it , I know he loved me and even with so many issues , and he supported me 100 % in my worst days (he even ask's for poop reports :))) . We never keep secrets from each other!

[ashtontw]

Thank you everyone for the kind words and shared stories. It means a lot! I ended up telling him about it the other day when I stayed over at his place, because I had my Vanco with me and it had to be in the fridge. He didn't really ask questions or say much. Not my issue is - we were finally sexually active, and I'm either facing another UTI or kidney issues. Been taking D Mannose 2x day, immediately after sex, showering before and after and peeing before and after. So now I have to hope he will stay with me as I deal with these issues too :-/ I'm so afraid of living in fear of C diff and infections and whenever I put it all in the back of my mind, I get slapped in the face. I don't know what more I can do.

[georgina]

Try not to think so much about Cdiff and UTI and relapses and concentrate on your new relationship , enjoy every moment of it. For that UTI you can also add some cranberry tea , helps a lot!

[ashtontw]

Thank you Georgina! <3

My urinalysis came back clear, which totally floored me based on my symptoms. Doc said give it a couple days, drink tons and tons of water, and retest in a few days if symptoms are still there.

It's so hard for me to be sexually actively and enjoy it because this relapse that I'm still fighting (2 months now) came from a UTI from sex that was bad enough that I had to treat. I need to be stronger and stop letting C Diff take enjoyment out of things for me because of fear. Time to start working on my mental strength again! I was doing really well there for a little while in regards to not feeding into symptoms and fear.

[beth22]

At the health food store I saw a probiotic for women - supposed to help with yeast infections, etc. I know a few posters have mentioned it. Maybe something like that would help. Maybe call your GYN and ask if there is anything else you can do.