Over-analyzing--Maybe you can relate?

[Tonja13]

I have really noticed it this past week. I am creeping up on the 3-month mark and I am getting nervous. Something always seems to go wrong. Last week I came down with some kind of stomach virus. Only a few people had it last week, but I heard it's really spreading across the greater metropolitan area like wildfire now...

Anyway, my recovery included some gurgling and a mucous incident, but a few days later I felt normal again. I even got slightly constipated over the weekend. Then, I ate a little pizza over the weekend and then on Sunday my mother-in-law brought over a small DQ sundae for each of us.

Naturally, I upped the probiotics I've been taking. (Florastor, culturelle, RAW, AOR) It's frustrating, because my stools have all been within normal range since and mostly went right back to my 'normal', which is actually really firm now (and you could almost set your watch to it). It's more firm and dry now than ever in my life...I rarely even have anything on the TP. (Once in a while, but not often.) Because of that, if I even have to wipe now--I start freaking out. Even if it's a perfect stool according to the Bristol chart. (Actually, anything below constipated nuts and I start to get nervous.)

I'm always standing at the toilet and studying it...inspecting color, shape, length, contents...the sniff test, everything. On NORMAL STOOLS. I feel like I've lost my ever-loving mind!!!

I'm analyzing details that I never paid any mind to before C Diff. Every gurgle or pain or sensation...I know I'm freaking out over things that I have seen and/or felt loooong prior to c diff (I never had intestinal issues before c diff).
It's so bad, if I am standing near someone and I hear their gut, "grrrrr, gluck, gluck!" I tense. Half the time, I don't think they even realized they gurgled, because they aren't paying any attention, and I'm hyper-ventilating over it.

The thing is, when I try to think back to my pre-c diff days...I DO (vaguely) remember hearing gut noises and gurgles/creaks. I remember feeling gas pains and bloating and having bms of varying sizes, shapes, colors and textures...even smells. What ever happened to those days when I would get tired of wiping??? If it didn't come absolutely FLYING out of my butt, I didn't give it a second glance. "Oh look, yep, that's a big poop." That was the depth of my analysis.

"Ahhh." I remember feeling relieved and RELAXED by the sensation. Pooping was almost...fun.

Will I ever relax enough to just enjoy a good 'dump' again???

Now, I pray going in and I thank God coming out.

Have a nice day everyone,
Tonja

[Dobies#1]

Tonja, I'm the exact same way!!! I posted in this TMI section this morning about seeing red/orange things in my poop. Check it out! I hate what this nasty illness does to the mind. I also fret over every ache and pain no matter where it is, thinking OMG it's an infection starting and I'm going to need antibiotics!! It's crazy and it sucks. My doctors have all told me to stop analyzing every little thing but if you haven't had this you just don't understand. I hate when people say they have sinus issues and get antibiotics and never have a problem. I do not wish CDiff on anyone but I guess you can say I'm jealous I cant just pop antibiotics anymore! Not that anyone should as they are way over prescribed but it must be nice to be able to take them if needed and not have to worry!!

[Jackie25]

I'm right there with both of yall! I'm only 15 days off of a vanco taper and pulse but even though my stools have returned to very well formed, most of the time firmer than what I've experienced in months, no mush, D, B, occasional M (which I know to be normal during recovery) I AM STILL fighting the urge to analyze every aspect of every singl BM I have! I must admit that sometimes I give in to the urge and check things out. Everything seems to be okay, typical recovery from what I've been told. I even had a follow up today with my GI regarding some blood work I had done just to make sure everything was looking good there since coming off months of medication, WBC count is normal, no anemia, everything was perfect. The doctor asked what my stool looked loke lately and was pleased with what I told her. We even discussed the fact that I use the bathroom anywhere from 2-4 times every morning, all formed. And she said this may just be a new normal for me right now!

The recovery from this is so strange and nerve wracking! It can become quit tiresome actually. I've been told the longer you are well the less anxious and nerve wracking this becomes, I can't wait for those days!

[Tonja13]

Dobie,
I did read your post...it's what inspired me to write this. LOL! Sinus and tonsil issues were what finally got me here. Don't envy them--they are being over-prescribed and set-up for disaster (at a very young age), just like me. (The doctors just assume that they can give you antibiotics like mad, because you're still young.)

Jackie,
You sound like you are doing very well for that early off a vanco taper. Keep doing whatever it is you've been doing...so far it's working. Expect some "weird" days along the way. As your gut flora recovers, it will gradually get better.

[Jackie25]

Thank you Tonja! I've had a few weird instances since coming off meds that then caused horrible anxiety for me. But I'm taking it one day at a time and just pushing through! Hopefully I will continue to heal properly from this horrible ordeal, it's put me through the ringer but I know better days are ahead :)

[achan]

I over-analyze all the time! Even in between my relapses. It's so hard not too. I'm in the middle of a vanco taper for another relapse but what has helped me stop looking and over-analyzing has been toilet cleaner tablets that you put in the tank. It turns the water dark blue so you can't see what's in it. Plus, it cleans your toilet and I think contains some amount of bleach. It kills two birds with one stone. It helps clean your toilet and prevents you from looking.

I'm in Las Vegas right now for my sister-in-law's wedding and I'm totally overanalyzing again now that I can see everything. Can't wait to get back home and force myself to concentrate on how I'm feeling rather than what's in the toilet.

[Bobbie]

Great solution, Achan.

Enjoy the wedding and Las Vegas. Buy some toilet cleaning tabs if you can.