Depressed and trying to deal...new here!!!

[JustTina]

Hi! I'm new here, and have read some of your stories, I was prescribed antibiotics for my Sinuses so that my Insurance would approve an MRI on my Sinuses....I began getting very sick, went to my GI, and he missed it!! I've had stomach & digestive problems for years.I am 56 and am disabled, have nurses that visit and do basic checks on me...my main nurse began to get concerned... a few days later I had to call my neighbor to take me to the ER...they did a scan and removed my Appendix!! I guess that it was very inlarged, but not infected. But, I kept on being sick to my stomach and having a lot of diarrhea, so the on-call doctor requested a stool sample..it came back positive for c-diff, this was in late Feb.they sent me home a day or two later, by myself, unable to eat and unable to control my BP, on some kind of antibiotics. Four days later, my neighbor called and came over, I couldn't even get up from my bed, they rushed me back to the ER...I had a stool transplant, spent nearly three months in total in the hospital... they released me like May 11...& I am now forty pounds less, I'm 5'-9" tall & weigh 120 pounds, I was muscular, now I'm a bag of skin and bones...I have two dogs and a Parrot & it's all that I can do to just take care of them!! I feel like I'm going to feel like this forever!!! They told me that "YES" I am a carrier...I don't even know what that means!!! Am I able to infect other people even though I show no symptoms? No one really has told me much of anything!!
I'm so Scared...and so depressed... My only salvation is the girls, my animals. I don't know what I would do if not for them.
I have no appetite, I don't know what I am supposed to eat or avoid eating...Is there anyone out there that can give me any answers?? Or just Help me?? I'm desperate, I'd never even heard of this until it almost killed me!! Thank-Ya'll, Tina

[amyc]

If you are not having D you are not a risk to anybody. Do you like baked potatoes? I found them really easy on my gut even with a little butter, salt and pepper. Ego waffles also sat well, and they are fortified with some vitamins. Soups and stews were my friends in those early days, and if you make a stew in the crock pot the smell of it cooking all day is a good appetite stimulant :). Some people struggle with dairy after C diff, and I had to switch to goat and sheep milk cheese for about 6 months to a year, but some don't have that problem. Scrambled eggs are a good source of protein. Raw fruits and veggies are hard for a lot of us in early recovery, but I never had a problem with them if they were cooked.

[NanciT]

Hello Tina and welcome to the site. Please read the first thread for all new posters

It sounds like you went through a great deal, sadly CDIFF is not found quickly and it can really wear you down. The did an FMT in the hospital and it sounds like you are now in recovery? Even with a FMT recovery can take awhile until you are 100%.
Have you seen a GI? I would recommend getting one on board as you recover and let them read your history.
I stuck to a bland diet of chicken, rice, baked potatoes, non spicy soups, toast. Just bland which gives the gut time to heal. Please talk with the doctor about the depression, it can be caused from CDIFF, there is a GUT/mental health relationship and many of us really have trouble with it. You need to let your doctor know.
All of this takes time. Sounds like you have some wonderful pets...which bring you alot of joy!
Sorry you had to find us, hope you are feeling better soon
NanciT

[JustTina]

Thank-You, NancyT..yes I've been dealing with my GI since I was first admitted into the hospital, he's a great guy and is beginning to wonder if he wants another set of eyes to look at me!! Which really concerns me!! He did the transplant, which by the way...didn't take, he wanted to do another, but, we couldn't come up with a viable donor!! That's partially why I was in the hospital so long. I'm still having problems keeping my BP up enough not to alarm everyone.
I see a psychologist, and am on a combination of meds...more crap in my system!! I get so disgusted with myself, cuz I just lay here and have no energy...and eating...I might as well be eating cardboard, for as much as I want it. I have been eating rather bland foods, but they are on me to "put on weight"...like that's going to happen anytime soon!! I can hardly force myself to eat twice a day...I drink a lot of water, which I NEVER did before. This has changed me so much, I just don't understand it at all!!! I was outgoing and an active person...now I'm nothing, I mean that I can't even handle basic tasks like grocery shopping, I freak if there's too many people and I'm indecisive.. Partially, because I don't want anything!! I have things that I HAVE to get done & I just don't!! Except where the girls are concerned, I make sure that if I do nothing else, I take them out and feed and water them...and they're always with me. I Love them dearly. I just don't know about anything else!!

[NanciT]

Tina
I would see another GI. If your current one mentioned that, I would get established with a new one even if you are in recovery. My very first GI said that to me, I held off because I had known him for years and he was a friend....but he missed the diagnosis of CDIFF and I was very sick at the time. I look back and wished I had changed sooner.
Even if it's just to get established and go over the recent hospital stay and the FMT.
Good to hear you have some help with the emotional side of this and that your furry and feather friends bring you such comfort. They are the best!
NanciT

[Nancy1]

I took Primadophilus reuteri, which gave me my appetite back after I lost 27 pounds to cdiff. That was the only probiotic I took which I can say for sure made a difference. Good luck.

[susant]

You said the fmt didn't work. Do you still currently have Cdiff?

[JustTina]

No, SusanT, I don't.. I am now a "Carrier", but it took three months in the hospital and I have no idea how much or many IVs of the diff junk to finally rid me of it!! I even had to continue taking it orally for ten days four times a day after I was released!!
Ya, know I had another question for y'all... Is any of you loosing your hair?? Mike's coming out in fistfuls!! I've got bald and balding spots on my head and in my hair..I've cut off about eight inches of it to lighten the load, but it's not helping!!! I am an eight time Cancer survivor & never lost any...now I'm losing it like crazy...is that nuts or what???

[beth22]

You can lose hair after having been very ill with an infection, not just c diff. Have you had your vitamin levels checked? Many of us are left low on iron, B12, B6, vitamin D, etc. If you are deficient in some of these, it can cause fatigue and other symptoms. I was low on vitamin D and A. Others on iron and B12. I would ask your doctor to test you for those. They usually don't do it as a routine, even in the hospital.

[JustTina]

Thanks Beth22, my GP has taken a ton of blood & urine tests, but I'm not sure exactly what they all were for, the bills are (for some reason??) growing rapidly...I don't know which insurance isn't paying it's part, but I shouldn't have ANY!! My head feels like a Pinball machine right now, I'm so overwhelmed with everything!! Not to mention that I just don't feel well enough to deal with it!! I live down here alone, thousands of miles from any family, and they don't have appointed social workers for you, so I am really lost!! I'm kinda waiting for a "good" day to sit down and try to make these calls, without getting "RUDE"!!! I at this point am losing it quite easily... I don't even know what they think that I owe, thus far I've only gotten billed up to March 27,16!!! That's crazy in itself!!

[amyc]

Do Ensure or Boost upset your stomach? If you haven't tried them, I'd recommend it. You need to get some nutrition so you can start to rebound from the infection.

[Acres]

Hi,
Not eating can effect your thinking and emotional well being....
Try almond butter. I eat tons of it.....And I eat a lot of eggs....Start with small amounts to see if they agree with you....
Seven months out I still eat a very basic diet (chicken, turkey burgers, cooked zucchini, bananas, white rice, chicken soup with carrots and celery, pita chips). I can tolerate mozzarella cheese (part skim) as well..... I have added a few new things to my diet but progress is very slow..... I take a lot of vitamins and the probiotics florastor and vsl3.
I also lost a lot of weight . Only gained 4 pounds back, but my doctor told me not to focus on the weight and I would be ok as long as I was eating healthy.....The weight would eventually come back as I slowly add new foods into my diet.....
Praying for your recovery, Scott

[Ril]

Try eggs or egg beaters, rice or pasta, potatoes and if you can tolerate it butter or light butter, some breads with or without butter, jam, peanut butter or as Scott said almond butter. I ate grilled chicken, turkey or fish. I could not tolerate any raw vegetable or fruit. You may be able to eat soups. Don't try to eat big meals. Have several small meals. It is hard to decide what to eat when you have no appetite- nothing sounds or looks appealing. I then have pb&j. I seem to always be able to manage to get that down without thinking.

Weight goes back on slowly. Don't worry about that.
Rita