Anxiety....HATE IT

[cmatthews1112]

I've always had anxiety over health issues and am a bit of a hypochondriac. However, this cdiff thing has brought me so much anxiety. I am having the colonoscopy and upper endoscopy done on Wednesday, which I think is a good idea, since I'm still having stomach issues and have tested negative for cdiff 2 times. I was having stomach issues before cdiff for a month or so, so it's probably good to have the tests. However, I am SOOOOO worried that I'm going to have something terribly wrong with me....cancer, etc. I am a mother of two children, and I want to see them grow up. I want to be healthy and happy. I worry that I"'ll also never get rid of the cdiff for good.....and have to have my colon removed or something like that. These fears are horrible to have. I am going to my counselor and talking about them. I am even considering going back on anti-anxiety meds. I have to get through Wed. and the tests but I feel so worried about them right now. I just want everything to be okay. Uggg.....

[gm37]

Your fears are not unusual for those suffering from c-diff. For some reason, the illness causes a lot of worry/anxiety. It is a great idea to talk to a counselor and to think about anti-anxiety meds. Many of us took something for anxiety during our battles with c-diff. My GI gave me Xanax. He said that it would calm down the spasms in my colon as well as work on the anxiety. Don't be so hard on yourself. Get some help to get you through this.
As for worrying about general health issues when you have small children.....I think all moms go through this. Even healthy moms. When my son was small, I even wrote about it in his journal. Now when I read it, I think I was a bit silly since I was quite healthy. I had a breast cancer scare when he was 7 and even then I cried through all of the tests. The poor nurses at the hospital thought I was crazy. I think it is just a mom thing.
As far as your conoloscopy and endoscope go...those are pretty common tests. Your stomach was probably just sensitive and already starting to develop the c-diff. I have had 5 colonoscopies and there have been no polyps to remove and really no alarming damage to my colon. The endoscope will look for ulcers, acid reflux, things that are bothersome, but certainly not fatal. Of the hundreds of sick people who post on this site, I have rarely heard of anyone having a colon removed or dying. If you make it to the diagonsis, I think you are really past the scary part. You are under a doctor's care now. You are getting better. Look on the bright side.
It is easy for me to say Don't Worry! The truth is mom's will always worry and c-diff sufferers will always worry. It is just part of life. The tests will soon be over and you will know the results immediately. That should ease your mind. You will have information about your body and be ready to move on.
In the meantime, try to keep busy and look on the bright side. Say a prayer and give your worries over to God. As a friend told me, "If you pray, why worry? If you worry, why pray?"
You are in the prayers of all on this site and our families. My mom is constantly saying a novena for all of the c-diff sufferers on here. Wednesday will come and go quickly. Keep us posted.
Anne

[Bobbie]

I agree with Anne. Think you will be fine. The scopes will help determine the problem.

I, too, am a worrying "mom" - even though my "kids" are older. It comes with the territory. My younger son has always had a lot of health issues -which he now solves by never going to docs. - too many visits with his mommy when he was little.

This is an extremely anxiety-wracked illness - it's not just you. All of us feel the same way. I believe it's because it's such an odd disease - one hour you feel fine, and two hours later, you are miserable. Plus, few react to it in the same way, and it is an "icky" disease - one that receives little sympathy. As Anne said, many of us have used anti-anxiety meds. There is no shame in it.

Your fears are natural - but probably groundless. Good luck with the scopes. Ask the doc. if he/she is doing biopsies - sometimes they are helpful. The worst thing is the prep - you will be "out" for the scope.

Start the prep early enough so you will be OK by tomorrow. It has improved. Years ago they gave you a huge jug of a G. awful drink called Co/Go Litely -- you didn't go lightly. I found the easiest way to tolerate the prep is to pour a glass, chug a lug it, set the timer for l/2 hour, and do it again.

You have our best wishes. Let us know the results. I bet you just have the after effects of C. diff. - probably IBS - one out of five with C. diff. develop it.

Best of luck.

[cmatthews1112]

Thank you for the support! Yes, I think he said he'd be doing biopsies....but not sure. I just want everything to be okay. I know it will, and I am a believer in God and that He will take care of me and it's all in HIS hands.....I just have a hard time remembering that sometimes. :) Plus, with my baby daugther having lung surgery in March, I've been extra anxious lately. It's been a tough year. She's going to be just fine....but I need to be 100% on my game for her! Thanks everyone!

[gm37]

I know you are anxious and have every right to be so.
I have a lot of faith in God, .....but I also have a hard time saying "Thy will be done". Do you think it is a teacher thing? I want to tell YOU how it should be done? I often wonder. I am pretty bossy.
Try to relax. Stress takes a toll on your health. Can you exercise or do some Yoga?
Keep me posted.
Anne

[beth22]

I've had both the upper and lower endoscopies. The prep is the worst part of the colonoscopy, but it is good to do with ongoing issues. If it were me, I would probably talk to the doctor before and ask him to be sure to take the biopsies. They can tell that way if you have other types of colitis like microcopic colitis, which is easily treated or any other type. Biopsies also tell you if you have celiac disease. My husband's cousin developed celiac after having an e-coli infection. They can also rule out Crohn's. I would tell the doctor to take whatever biopsies he/she feels are appropriate, as you want to find out what is going on and don't want to be sent for more tests down the road. As long as you are doing the prep, getting the anesthesia, take care of all of it at the same time. I bet they will not find anything bad. If you have IBS or even IBD, it can be treated. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[cmatthews1112]

My anxiety is getting worse....last night I was unable to sleep very well just thinking about the tests on Wednesday. Also, I just am terrified that it IS C-diff and I'll never be able to get rid of this thing. I truly fear that it will be with my forever....I don't want to think that....but it's scary. I feel better on the Vanco, so I guess that's a good sign. Although, I started to feel better before starting to take it, so maybe that is also a good sign. I just want to be normal again and get my life back on track. I am such an anxious person over health things....every time I've had to deal with a health issue in my life it sets me back with my anxiety and my OCD comes out (googling, obsessing over worst case scenerio, etc.). I have to someday realize that I am not in control over everything that happens in my life, but I am in control over how I handle it. I want to change my perspective and be optimistic.

[gm37]

Just the fact that you are starting to think about taking control over your anxiety is a good sign. I hope you will get in to talk to the doctor who helps you control your anxiety. It is quite common with c-diff. Did you talk to the GI about it? Give the doctor a call.
You will not have active c-diff forever. It can be hard to get under control, but the Vanco is good at getting in in check. Every day you are one day closer to getting well.
You need to stop googling if it is adding to your worry. Stick to the positive postings on this site. Read Success Stories when you worry. YOU WILL GET WELL. It is normal to do some worrying with any illness, but too much anxiety can add to your health problems. Try to focus on something else.
People get colonoscopies every day and are fine. My brother-in-law is 70. He gets one every 6 months. Afterwards, he stops at a greasy burger place, eats some sliders, and goes out to play handball! I go to bed and nap. But we are all different.
You will feel much better when the colonoscopy is over. The prep is gross, but the procedure is nothing...you are asleep. You will get some information and know better what is ailing you.
Play with your babies today. Smile and laugh. Spoil yourself. Get a pedicure or whatever makes you feel good. Call a friend who is fun. Watch a funny movie. Get et your mind off of it.
Let me know how you are doing.
Anne