Extreme paranoia...not sure where to post this.

[JenniferH]

I'm not sure where to post this, but here it goes....Please go easy on me.

Lately, my paranoia of C diff spores have gotten out of hand. I feel like a crazy person.
When I have a BM, I use baby wipes. About 5-6 to ensure I'm clean. I spray my bathroom with a bleach spray. I wash my hands with soap & water for ten minutes, then I take a shower. I shower twice a day. (morning & night) And wash my hands throughout the day. When I prepare food, I use latex disposable gloves. I imagine spores being everywhere. Its beginning to affect my job! If someone has stomach issues, I imagine them having C diff. To me C diff is everywhere, and on everything! I'm getting to the point of where I dont want to touch people's paperwork, because I'm terrified of a re-infection, or a different strain of C diff entering my body!!! I know who I contracted C diff from, and I've been avoiding this person. But now I'm begining to become terrified of everyone, and I can't help it. C diff, I think is becoming an epidemic. Or maybe it already has, according to one news report I saw....I think people are becoming exposed, and dont get sick right away, until they take an antibiotic. So my thinking is just because someone isn't sick right away, doesnt mean, they wont get sick eventually. I'm terrified of a relapse, and re-infection, and infecting others. I can't get past this fear!!! I thought about going to counseling, but I dont think counseling will work!! I'm too far gone & psychotic.....Can anyone relate? Or is everyone questioning my sanity now??? I'M A FRRRREEEEAK!!! Help me!

[Fire2]

Jennifer:

1st of all you're not and repeat not Typhoid Mary. The people around you have nothing to fear. The spores of C-diff are not thinking beings waiting to attack...when in fact they are a normal part of nature that our immune systems have dealt with all of our lives. You need to remember that for the spores to infect another person there are a finite set of pre-conditions in place, one being a immune system weakened and certain classes of antibiotics being used. I've said this numerous times, but I live with my crew in small 1/4's for 24hrs a shift. We share the same kitchen and bathroom, colds and the flu, but none of then has gotten C-diff even when I was with numerous relapses. We just followed normal good hygiene habits and a lot of hand washing. A point that a lot of C-dff sufferers ignore is that your immune system must be challenged to be able to recognize and defend it's self from diseases. If you go overboard on cleaning you will actually impair your bodies immune system's abilities to protect itself.

In my opinion....Now you have a choice to make. I firmly believe that you can decide and control whether you want to be a victim and let C-diff control and basically destroy your life, or you can deal with it head on and be a person who has battled C-diff and taken control of their life back. Now in all honesty if you choose to take it head on it's not easy. You've got to force yourself to go out pick up, and exercise, Take your life back a step at a time. Create your survival kit to carry with you... Gas -x, pepto, and what ever else work's for you.It's going to be very scary at first, but we all know that if you get sick...you already know what to expect. If you do, then pick yourself up and do it again. It's easy to hide and wait, but each day that you do ...is one that you and family will never get back. We tend to forget that this also affects our families, friends and co-workers.....It's really unfair, and frustrating to them.It's really all up to you...lie down, or fight for your life and family.

Fire

[HEATHER28]

Jennifer - I agree with fire 1000%! You CAN NOT let cdiff take over your life. I live with my fiance and we only have 1 bathroom, when I had cdiff the only thing I told him was to make sure that he washed his hand after he used the bathroom. He was never infected, everything is fine. I work at a hospital so I am surrounded by germs on a daily bases! At first I was pretty OCD about things while I was recovering from Cdiff but, finally came to realize that unless I put myself in a plastic bubble there in no 100% way to avoid germs. I have also taken antibiotics since my battle with cdiff (3 times for UTI's) and ALAS no Cdiff! I told myself when I had to take them, that I had no other choice and that if I got Cdiff I would just have to deal with it.

Fire is right you have decision to make. You have either let Cdiff completly control and destroy your life OR you can deal with it be a survivor of Cdiff and take back control of your life back! The ball is in your court.

[Kathy George]

I agree with Fire and Jennifer that you can’t be a victim of C-Diff. However, I’m C-Diff free for almost 2 years, but if C-Diff symptoms do return, I too become conern. After all that you have been through it is not unreasonable to become alarmed in different environments. It is important to note, that we need to differentiate between practicle and misleading facts about acquiring C-Diff and come to the realization that the probability of C-Diff returning is minimal. However, I do use certain precautions: When I visit a love-one in the hospital, I always put on white cotton gloves before entering the hospital. Right before I leave the hospital I remove gloves, wash my hands in restroom, and on my way out I use paper-towels for opening doors etc. This may sound unreasonable too, however, it creates a calm and secure frame of mind for my inner fears. Also, friends and family are very considerate and compassionate and know not to visit if they are not feeling well. They understand the possible ramifications if I become ill and would require antibiotics. Lastly, we all need to come to terms with our fears, and by doing so, we welcome back the freedom that we once knew. Good Luck!

[Bobbie]

I agree with the others. Act -- but don't over react. Take precautions, but don't over do. You will be fine -- honest. As Fire said, have a "kit" and as Kathy George said, take precautions with door knobs, etc. Great ideas.

You might want to see a doc. or counselor -- not because you are "crazy" - you are not. You've been the victim of a horrible disease and don't want to be again. Perhaps, however, a doc./counselor could prescribe anti-anxiety meds. to get you through this. Only someone who has had C. diff. can understand how you feel. You are not a freak! You are obviously a sensitive person who wants to remain well. Understandable --but you need to exert some control - any way you can.

[beth22]

I think seeing a counselor is a good idea. I did just that his past summer and I think it helped me. I did not take any anti-anxiety meds, but just talking through some of my fears and feelings that lead to depression helped. I find that husbands can only listen so much and truthfully are not that much help and your friends don't want to hear about an illness that they know little about either. Talking to a counselor may help put things into better perspective and help you to figure out what steps to prevent illness you want to take that are reasonable and which are not. Some insurance plans only cover psychiatrists, that is md's, so you should check your plan first. They also usually only allow a certain amount of visits per year. Best to check all that out first if you decide to see someone.

[cindym]

Jennifer- First of all just know you are having a normal reaction that happens to most cdiff people in the beginning. I was severely germophobic in the early stages. With time you just learn to take precautions as best you can and stop worrying. Cdiff is horrendous but with just good hygiene you can prevent the spread. Live your life and worry about only yourself and therefore take precaution........that will serve you and everyone else well. All the worry is not worth the time you spend on it. Cdiff will thrive if it wishes and anywhere it wishes regardless of your worry. Good luck