Ups n Downs

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Whyme111
Regular User
Posts: 58
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 12:32 pm

Ups n Downs

Postby Whyme111 » Sat Jul 14, 2018 1:50 pm

Hi,
I feel discouraged. I feel relief on certain days that I've conquered this beast, just to feel a sense of defeat the following days. This is exhausting. It's so tough to be the person my family, friends and colleagues know and expect from me. There are days I just want to curl up and cry with somebody to understand the day to day physical symptoms this infection brings but also the emotional exhaustion. I'm in fear of getting another UTI and needing antibiotics again. I'm in fear of not being present for those that need me because I feel horrible and just don't have the energy to enjoy life like I used to.
Just to be back where I used to be would be heavenly. I will take the message from this whole ordeal to not take good health for granted. Enjoying life is what it's about. Take me to that place again. Thank you for reading/listening. Day by day, this is what we have to do and what we will do. End rant.

Mindy
Regular User
Posts: 57
Joined: Sun May 03, 2015 1:58 pm

Re: Ups n Downs

Postby Mindy » Sat Jul 14, 2018 4:06 pm

I feel the exact same way. Blessings to you and all others in here.

Kuro
Contributor
Posts: 93
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2018 5:12 pm

Re: Ups n Downs

Postby Kuro » Sat Jul 14, 2018 5:09 pm

Certainly a feeling I know well! I recently had a relapse scare and, in fact, was told I had tested positive again when a positive was not expected. For once, I spoke up and another couple sets of eyes looked at the test and my case. They disagreed and told me to refrain from taking meds. Nevertheless, I've been living in a scare since those results and gradually calming down!

I've made some very experienced and wise friends on here, and most all of them tell me to take this thing one day at a time. Look too far into the future at the possibilities, some of which may never happen, and you'll drive yourself nuts. Think of each day as one step further away from relapse, one step closer to feeling better. I certainly know it's slow going with that approach, but if we have people here still hangin' on and doing well after 10+ years as members, we can be as successful!

Personally, I have a small social circle, so I haven't had many people with many expectations of me. Good and bad thing, due to the reason for said small social circle. However, I wouldn't be afraid to let people know that you are dealing with an illness right now and need some time to rest and get things in order, particularly when the demands stack too high for your health. Right now, you are who you are, not who you used to be or who you will be yet. It has to be about healing the 'right now' you first. Of course, you don't need to go into any graphic detail (or any detail at all) if it's not someone you're comfortable telling.

I think just about everyone has the antibiotic fear, so you aren't alone there. Again, though, that may not happen again for a very long time or ever. Taking an antibiotic isn't a guarantee of relapse, either, and there are things you can do to reduce the risk. I'm trying to grasp the concept that you can't live in fear of the future with this thing. It's here with us, so we have to carry on as best we can and take what comes as it does.

It's exhausting at times, though, I'll give you that. I hate when my body's 'schedule' changes up suddenly or symptoms are slightly off, as it jars the rhythm I've begun to get comfortable with. But, this too shall pass.

Whyme111
Regular User
Posts: 58
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 12:32 pm

Re: Ups n Downs

Postby Whyme111 » Sat Jul 14, 2018 5:41 pm

Thank you for responding! It helps to hear the encouragement and empathic responses. I have felt pretty good, symptom wise, to having a headache the past few days and upset stomach. In the past I would chalk it up to a "not so hot" day however now, it's almost panic mode. I know it doesn't benefit me to live in fear and for that, I'm trying to keep focus and take it slow. I'm working on acceptance because I honestly do feel that when I don't fight against what's actually happening and just go with it and address it, I'm better off. Some days, it does get quite exhausting though.

Kuro
Contributor
Posts: 93
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2018 5:12 pm

Re: Ups n Downs

Postby Kuro » Sat Jul 14, 2018 6:00 pm

It has that effect! Prior to CDI, I'd had IBS my entire life. I would have brushed off some stomach issues I've been having as nothing back then, but now? It's a relapse, every single incident. Fortunately, many of the vets here on the forums tell me this fear kind of eases as time goes on.

I agree with you about dealing with what's there at the moment and not worrying about the future. This is something everyone seems to benefit from, taking it one day at a time. Of course, call your doctor if you're having any issues which genuinely concern you. If it's nothing, you will at least have their reassurance.

This is a very much up and down, all over the place thing until you get out a ways and heal more. The shifts from good to bad and back again do happen.


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