Losing My Mind and More

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okaylo
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Losing My Mind and More

Postby okaylo » Sun Jan 28, 2018 2:23 pm

I have had diarrhea upon waking for the last 4 days today being the worst day. I have been extremely preoccupied with the worry of getting a UTI again along with getting sick in any way that could lead back to cdiff especially with all of the illnesses that are going around. I have washed my hands religiously and they are so dry I have cuts. I have been drinking large amounts of water out of fear of getting a UTI again so going to the bathroom has been extremely often and so has the hand washing.

This morning while going to the bathroom I dropped a wet wipe on the floor, there wasn't much on it and it was on the inside of the wipe as I always use 2 at a time and I freaked out. All of the memories of having cdiff came flooding back. My first knee-jerk reaction was to go and buy some bleach. I know that bleach will ruin the newly installed flooring and start the cycle all over for me again. I got some basic Clorox wipes and wiped the floor. There was nothing on the wipes when I cleaned the floor but I am terrified that if I have cdiff then spores will be on the floor. Now I know what is going to be said. Watch for watery diarrhea 3+ times a day, that it could be a stomach bug or something I ate, that stress could be causing it entirely or it could be my IBS acting up.

I don't know what is going on but I am terrified. I have read that drinking too much water can lead to diarrhea and cause the system to become too diluted. Maybe that is part of my problem. I feel ill from the inside out and it is the worst in the mornings. I also have been told that cdiff does not discriminate to just the mornings. When I've had cdiff before it has not always been watery diarrhea and it has not always been going to the bathroom multiple times a day. I do not want to test and start the vicious cycle all over again, I've already done that with my urine lately.

I am almost 8 weeks out from taking a 3 day course of Macrobid which I know targets the bladder directly and is said to not have a huge effect on gut flora. I am sitting here telling myself you do not have cdiff you have to calm down but the anxiety is so bad and then I worry about every little possibility like something getting in a cut on my hand etc. I am going back to counseling this week as I cannot keep this up on a daily basis, I am torturing myself day in and day out. Guess I'm just looking for a little reassurance.

MKW
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Re: Losing My Mind and More

Postby MKW » Sun Jan 28, 2018 8:30 pm

Hi, I am about 10 months out from a successful FMT but still suffer with IBS. Actually after feeling great all week I’m laying in bed right now with a heating pad due to extreme cramping throughout my abdomen - cause unknown. No matter how much time goes by I am terrified of C Diff and that it will spontaneously recur. I can’t imagine if I had taken an antibiotic like you how scared I’d really be. I was diagnosed with ptsd from c Diff and take klonopin. It helps. And quite honestly I need it to cope. I am afraid of every little thing too. Getting a small cut on my hand, every time my sinuses hurt, or throat hurts, any dental pain. I feel so fragile. I don’t know how to reassure you. But I can tell you that I totally relate to your fears. It does NOT sound to me like you are having C Diff symptoms.

Ril
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Re: Losing My Mind and More

Postby Ril » Mon Jan 29, 2018 12:43 am

Okaylo, we all suffer from anxiety after having c diff but when it gets as bad as you are describing a return to counseling and possibly medication assistance is necessary to make your life tolerable. You need to regain control. Your anxiety will feed your d which can have many causes, and as you say, c diff is not restricted to mornings.

Again, know that anxiety is not abnormal but the degree is the issue and I am glad you are recognizing that you need help to deal with it. You beat c diff...now beat this.

Rita

okaylo
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Re: Losing My Mind and More

Postby okaylo » Mon Jan 29, 2018 3:07 pm

MKW, I know the IBS and heating pad all too well. And how it comes and goes in terms of severity. A few days might be okay then it can hit out of nowhere with no warning. My gut is on fire as I have gastritis along with IBS and other issues that I've had for a number of years now. I know the fear you describe and feel fragile as well. The past few days it doesn't matter what I eat. Burning gut, burning stools, gurgling, cramping, nausea, bloating, fatigue, the works. I pray to God it goes away. I keep telling myself it's okay and will get better.

Ril, I'm trying to get back to counseling this week. I agree that my life needs to become tolerable again, this is no way to live. The anxiety is so extreme. Today I woke up and I told myself it is going to be a good day and I've really tried to keep myself calm but my stomach is all over the map again. I just want one day where things feel normal. I know it will never be 100% the way it used to be and I have issues like SIBO, gastritis, acid reflux etc to deal with. My GI told me after my 2nd FMT that less is more in my case and to not take anything given my long complicated history. I can deal with the usual discomfort and pain daily but when it flares up to this degree it is hard to manage and makes me worry that cdiff is back or something else is going on. I'm very careful with what I eat, only drink water, wash my hands religiously, and take many many precautions. Just want to live free again and not always be contemplating what is going to happen or that it's going to come back. I have to beat this and I just hope that I start to feel better in the process.

Ril
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Re: Losing My Mind and More

Postby Ril » Mon Jan 29, 2018 3:46 pm

I have had pretty severe PI IBS since a relatively uncomplicated case of c diff 4 1/2 years ago. My GI worked hard prescribing multiple medications to help get it under control. There are a lot of meds to help you with IBS-d and you should ask your GI about them, separate and apart from dealing with the mental issues.

MKW
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Re: Losing My Mind and More

Postby MKW » Mon Jan 29, 2018 4:30 pm

Hi okaylo, after 8 months of doctors appointments and many tests, I asked for a SIBo test recently. Just got a call this morning I tested positive for hydrogen predominant SIBO. I have an appointment with the GI doc scheduled for tomorrow. But I was told they do not plan to treat me with an antibiotic due to c Diff history. It’s so frustrating, when I had my FMT done I believed it would work or not. I did not realize to what degree we can continue to suffer with so much damage physically and psychologically due to c Diff.

okaylo
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Re: Losing My Mind and More

Postby okaylo » Mon Jan 29, 2018 5:09 pm

Ril, I've been on various meds for the IBS-D over the years including antidepressants, Imodium, Questran, a stool binding diet, etc. After the 2nd FMT, I laid off all medication and things were getting better over time. I still have/had the occasional D flare up from time to time and I would go through spells where I would feel so ill and then things would die down. I think it's a combo of SIBO, IBS, and stress that contributes to that...

It has been 8 weeks since I took the 3 day course Macrobid and I've continued with the probiotics as I'm terrified not to. I keep wanting to believe that it has been enough time and I am safe but I am so scared of a relapse. Of course, I started googling today and saw that it is uncommon but a relapse can happen up to 10 weeks after taking an antibiotic so my mind is now SPINNING. I talked to my GI about if stopping the probiotics would be safe and he said "It should be enough time by now being that you've taken the probiotics alongside the antibiotic and for several weeks after." I know he is not God and cannot give me a 100% definite answer so the lingering possibility keeps me on edge. I know if I stop taking the probiotics and something were to happen that I would blame myself and think you should've kept taking them. But then I think that the bacteria may be continuing to overgrow since I have SIBO and maybe it's making matters worse. Total catch 22 for me.

MKW, I private messaged you some info regarding my experience with SIBO. Hope it helps. :)

beth22
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Re: Losing My Mind and More

Postby beth22 » Tue Jan 30, 2018 2:26 am

Don't worry about the wipes on the floor. You track c diff on your shoes anyway. When you use a public restroom, there are lots of different kinds of bacteria, etc. on the floors. You don't bleach your shoes each time. Just clean the floors normally.

Bobbie
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Re: Losing My Mind and More

Postby Bobbie » Thu Feb 15, 2018 12:46 am

There is no shame in seeking professional help to deal with anxiety. Many of us have to do so.

Roxanne
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Re: Losing My Mind and More

Postby Roxanne » Tue Feb 27, 2018 1:53 am

Combination of emotions getting rid if C-Diff, are the spores totally gone, am I at normal risk, excitement, I can leave the house, freedom, pain gone, afraid of getting it again.

I wonder if this is something like cancer survivors think?? Might be the type counselor to see. I'm going nuts too.


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