I'm too young for this.

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Pinecone
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I'm too young for this.

Postby Pinecone » Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:42 am

I'm only 25. I feel even younger, though, with my shallow breadth of experience. Anxiety and depression took normalcy away since I was 16. My younger siblings are getting married. I've never even had a date. I don't even have real life friends. I can't eat out because I have numerous food allergies. I love to cook, but I can't handle raw fruits and vegetables, so my scope is limited there, too.

With all of my mental issues and allergies, with all of my struggles to become a real member of society, I didn't think, of all things, that I'd have to deal with c diff too. Or whatever is really wrong with my stomach. I used to have an bowel problems in grade school, and got bullied hard about it. I thought I left that behind when I graduated, though. I thought, even if I have panic attacks, even if I'm always itching and sneezing, at least it's not like grade school. At least I have my food. Must've jinxed myself.

This should be nothing but a hiccup, but it's eaten up 3 months of my life. I've felt pain I never thought I could feel. I'm scared all the time. I was scared in the two months before my c diff diagnosis. "What's wrong with me? What do I have? Why can't the doctors find anything?" The fear went away after the diagnosis, but came back when I didn't feel any better on treatment. "What if it's something else in addition to c diff? What if it's a false-positive?"

Every time I feel like I'm improving, the pain rears its ugly head. I get sent back to square one. Life is happening around me, but I feel stuck in a timeloop. Just more life I'm missing. I hope it's not much longer. I wish I could have even a little break. Just one day to eat comfort food again. I know my relationship with food is unhealthy, but it's okay, really. I miss it. I miss the reliability. I've lost 10% of my body weight, and I miss every pound of it.

I want to have friends, I want to have babies. I wanted to have them before I had to deal with diseases like this. I thought I had more time. I need a support network now more than ever, but I never built one. Just food.

This is such a weird, whiny rant. I'm sorry. If it's too much to be considered venting, feel free to delete it with my apologies.

Musings
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby Musings » Fri Mar 24, 2017 9:11 am

I am 31 and have been dealing with generalized anxiety for most, if not all, of my life and can say that c.diff turned the volume up to 11 on that and others will agree that it is an anxiety-inducing illness.

Getting diagnosed with c.diff actually prompted me to seek professional help via medication and a therapist. If you are not currently in therapy, would recommend it. Medication may also be an option to research.

I am around 3 months post c.diff now (though still dealing with PI-IBS) and can say that my anxiety is lessening each day but am still on medication and still meet with my therapist monthly as they are solid tools in my battle against anxiety.

Wish the best for you and happy to chat if you want to send me a PM.

~Lauren

roy
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby roy » Fri Mar 24, 2017 1:08 pm

I answered your other post but this one is giving some clues.
You said food allergies and that you have had bowel problems since school age.
Have you been tested for these allergies or just "know" because some foods seem to upset you?
A gluten test is a must to see if your celiac and also lactose in case it's dairy.
It's a fact that celiac starts to show around 14yo and is very often ignored for many years.

amyc
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby amyc » Fri Mar 24, 2017 4:46 pm

You also need to investigate mast cell disorders. Mast cells are an important immune system cell that stores histamine and other inflammatory response molecules. Some people have too many mast cells in their skin, GI tract, and nervous system, or have mast cells that are prone to dumping histamine and other inflammatory modulators for no reason. I have a mast cell disorder, and getting the diagnosis and on treatment has really given me my life back.

I recommend you and your mom get an excellent book written by Dr Lawrence Afrin. It's called Never Bet Against Occam, and you can get it on Amazon.

Here's some good reading to do while you wait for the book.

http://www.corebrainjournal.com/2016/07 ... -syndrome/

My symptoms weren't as severe as the young lady discussed in the article, but they were very annoying. The treatment plan I follow is super easy, and I am 80% normal. Maybe 90%. My GI was a pioneer in the field, and I feel blessed to have found him, but he is retiring soon. His name is Dr Philip Miner in Oklahoma City. If you are close to OK I highly recommend him. It can take months to get in with him as a new patient but his office manager Kelly is great, and will watch the books to see if she can somehow work you in earlier.

Pinecone
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby Pinecone » Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:00 pm

Lauren - I am already on medication for my mental health issues, and have already resolved much of it through therapy. It is very under control, so long as I operate within certain boundaries. Like you said, though, this sickness really amps it up to unbelievable levels. On days with less symptoms, I notice a sharp drop in my anxiety. I think as long as symptoms resolve, and I don't get myself too worked up about a relapse, I should go back to mental normalcy. Thank you so much for your response. I hope your anxiety continues to improve. I will keep your PM offer in mind :)

roy - I have been tested for my allergies. It's all very official. It's rough to avoid so many foods and triggers, but I had a good quality of life in spite of it before the c diff. I was recently tested for celiac, which came back negative. I figure a test for lactose intolerance is pointless now, since I read that c diff can temporarily cause it. I've been avoiding lactose for more than a month now, anyway. I am very careful with my food. Comes with the allergy territory :) Thank you for the response!

amyc - Wow, I've never heard of that, even with all the googling I've been doing! Thank you so much for introducing me. I'm not too sure if this is what I have, and I'm definitely unable to visit that doctor, but if my problems worsen or hang around, I'll definitely grab that book and see what I think. I don't have allergic reactions to uncommon things or bizarre things. It's all normal stuff like nuts, fresh produce, pollens. It's a lot, to be sure, but I think it's all within the realm of normalcy. Happy to hear you got a diagnosis, though, and great that you're getting better!

amyc
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby amyc » Fri Mar 24, 2017 10:14 pm

Get the book. It's an excellent read, and I really think it would help you.

Pinecone
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby Pinecone » Sat Mar 25, 2017 12:57 am

I'll see where things go with the vancomycin and upcoming appointments for now. To be honest, a lot of my hopes are on c diff still. I've seen enough reports from this forum about all the different ways it can manifest to know that I can expect just about anything. I'm not quite ready to entertain the thought of another illness, much less something with so little medical literature. I don't doubt its existence or anything, I just don't think it's something my small town doctors are going to buy into, much less try to diagnose and treat. You know how doctors can be. I don't want to pin my hopes to something I'm going to get scoffed at about -- I have enough white coat anxiety as it is. I hope I don't sound super unreasonable or rude.

I have added the book to my bookmarks, however, and jotted it down in the notepad I share with my doctor during appointments. If things end up going south like they did for that poor woman in the article, I'll pursue the disorder more aggressively. Thanks again for the concern and recommendation :)

Davidtm
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby Davidtm » Sat Mar 25, 2017 3:58 am

I see so much of myself in you and your post. I wanted to offer my support and let you know you're not alone in the struggle. I too have a lot of food/the earth allergies, desired to fit in, struggled with using food as a coping mechanism. I'm 34 to your 25. I can say at 26 I hit a rock bottom but since then have turned things around. At least until c diff came into my life. But I'm trying to overcome that too.
I was always the overweight nerd with the inhaler, epi pen, and extra pair of boxers just in case kind of guy. I've got a family now and well the rest still applies it's all good. You can't be too critical of yourself. Everyone has flaws and no one is perfect.
You can't compare your timeline to other people's. And you can't expect to fit into the cookie cutter lifestyle of how, what, and when we have certain things in life. It's your life, your road, and you're the driver. Just keep your foot on the gas pedal and go at your own pace because that's what's right for you.
As far as c diff goes I feel you 100 percent. It's not fun. We all go through that initial Google when we find out and we always get the worst case scenario fears and tears. You're under a Drs care and youre keeping an eye on it. That's and being your own advocate to make sure you're getting quality treatment is the best thing you can do. I promise you I have had numerous nights of worry and feeling hopeless in this. I'm just saying as hard as it is and this is advice I have to try and take too. That you need to keep your head up and understand that one day this will be behind you. We are doing the best with the hand we've been dealt. You will get there. Good things

Pinecone
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby Pinecone » Sat Mar 25, 2017 4:43 am

David, thank you so much for that post. I really needed to hear all of that. I am in a much better place now than I was when I joined the site last night. Having another attack after so many days of improvement really sent me spiraling downward. But now, I feel pretty good with an excellent painkiller. I even feel less afraid of the attacks themselves, because I have researched more and found that what I experienced was most likely a severe bout of tenesmus. I had been under the impression that tenesmus is only a constant feeling of having to go (which I have), but in my reading I have found that it can lead to the exact scenario I detailed at the top of my other thread. The pressure, the lack of movement, the cramping. I'm glad to be able to put a name to it.

I will pray tonight for both of us to see more and more improvement. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel once again. Thank you so much.

beth22
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby beth22 » Sat Mar 25, 2017 5:43 pm

Hang in there. C difficile it seems, can trigger lots of things. I got terrible SIBO from it which made me unable to eat lots of different foods. I am also left with chronic pancreatitis that seems to act up when it feels like it - probably auto-immune now. See how you feel after you finish your vanco. Hopefully, things will calm down. When I was on vanco, I always had that urge to go too.

amyc
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby amyc » Sat Mar 25, 2017 5:44 pm

You boys really need to look into mast cell disorders. PM me if you want more info. And buy Dr Afrin's book. He's a hematologist who was at U of SC med school for years, U of MN stole him, gave him some kind of endowed chair. He's not an alt-health quack.

Pinecone
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby Pinecone » Sat Mar 25, 2017 6:44 pm

Beth - Thank you for the post. When I was researching on this site for the past few weeks, your posts seemed to be most in line with my experience. It gave me a lot of comfort knowing I wasn't alone with my weird symptoms. I am hoping I'm young enough to avoid any getting lasting problems from my c diff infection, but I'm being vigilant and watchful all the same. My doctor is a good lady, I'm best friends with a pharmacist, and my family is full of nurses, so I feel like I'm in the best hands I can be in for living in such a small town.

My hope right now is that after the Vanco course, resuming my fiber and probiotic supplements will get me back into shape. They did the trick for a couple of weeks in early February, so I'm feeling moderately confident about it :)

lkbeck
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby lkbeck » Thu May 11, 2017 2:34 am

You are not alone, I am 23 and have had 3 relapses and transitioning into getting FMT. I have many food allergies, I am very underweight, I have been bullied most of my life and always had GI problems. I have extreme anxiety disorder that has always been linked to my health. I also have acid reflex disease. I just transferred to Cal Poly from SBCC and have barely made any friends nor a support network. I am the most depressed I have ever been, even more than losing both my parents. I am here suffering with you. I feel like my life was taken from me along time ago. As I have had health problems since I was 15 years old.

- Lauren

txjoanna
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby txjoanna » Fri May 12, 2017 8:53 am

I read this thread and it touched me. I really hope everyone on here gets better soon and me too. I felt the same way about being to young for this and I'm 36. I know that this is a process and it takes time but eventually we will get better from this nasty infection. Lady's please don't loose hope ok . I struggle with anxiety myself and this whole ordeal is overwhelming. A nurse told me "remember this won't last forever" and smiled. So hang in there I know its hard! trust me as I'm dealing with this right now as well. There will be light at the end of this journey:)

Bobbie
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Re: I'm too young for this.

Postby Bobbie » Mon May 15, 2017 2:36 pm

C diff is a nasty disease in many ways. Only someone who has /had it can understand how terrified and sick you feel. We encourage site members to contact each other for support.

Click on a member's name and his/her profile will pop up along. with "PM" (private message). Click on "PM" write your message, and send it to someone who shares your anxiety. Or use the "Chat" forum to communicate with others.

"Misery loves company."

No one is "too young" to develop c diff. My then 4 yr old son developed it in 1979 when few - including docs - knew anything about it. There were no support groups. He survived because one of his docs did a fellowship with Dr. John Bartlett of Johns Hopkins who discovered oral Vanco was effective against c diff. My son relapsed threee times and we spent most of the summer in the hospital. Frightening and lonely. My mother came from MT to help me as my husband was out of town on business, and I had two friends who were wonderful.

Some babies are born with c diff which usually resolves on its own.

Don't depend on this site for all your info. Do some research on your own. There are also other internet support sites.

You will recover!


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