Living in more fear with each day that passes

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Davidtm
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Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby Davidtm » Mon Mar 13, 2017 12:48 pm

I had my fmt via colonoscopy on Feb 23rd. It's been up and down since but steadily my anxiety is getting worse. I'm paying attention to every little sensation or feeling I get and comparing it to previous bouts. It's getting so bad mentally that I'm waking up shaking in fear of going to the bathroom and not wanting to. I'm sure logically the anxiety can cause me issues and pains and while on the safety of medicine in the past my anxiety was less and I felt great. I just keep counting the days and I think that's the hard part for me. I wish there was a clear prognosis and not a bunch of waiting to see. With every day forward its that much more of a fall to start at square one. I've been having good days and bad days. Sometimes pain and sometimes pain free. I had a major scare the other day when I thought I had the start of strep throat.. 2 days later I had a rapid test which was negative. The feeling of tenesmus lately isn't helping. I just wish I could fast forward to the future to when I'm in the clear and safe again with this behind me.

amyc
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby amyc » Mon Mar 13, 2017 7:37 pm

See a psychiatrist. That's not an insult, it's just sincere advice from somebody who was really helped by one.

NanciT
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby NanciT » Mon Mar 13, 2017 8:33 pm

David

This can be very wearing, and the fear is terrible. I also recommend talking to a therapist, it's good to have a safe place to go and just pour all these fears out.
You may also want to try some relaxation music, watching a good movie, go for a walk, things hat will remove your mind from these thoughts.

As we know, CDIFF takes a terrible toll on our mental health, especially those of us who have had several relapses. It takes time to work through it all. Be good to yourself, you have been through a lot
NanciT

MKW
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby MKW » Mon Mar 13, 2017 9:47 pm

David, I can totally relate to the fear and anxiety. I have had A LOT of trouble coping the entire time this has been happening to me for 7 months. My last two recurrences were about 4 weeks after ceasing meds. So of course both times I thought I was in the clear, and out of nowhere severe symptoms just returned for no apparent reason. For me, it means nothing I am well after treatment. I had an FMT on March 2nd, and even though I feel great, I struggle to even have any hope. I know it means nothing with me. Two months from now it might mean something. So as each day passes I just have to live, worrying the nightmare will just start again. I think of it like I'm Cinderalla at the ball knowing it will strike midnight. It sucks.
BTW, I use chamomile to help with anxiety. It actually helps some.
I am coping fairly well right now, but what's going to happen to me is when I hit the three week post treatment mark, I'm going to start getting scared. Because this is my history - 4 weeks post treatment my bacteria try to kill me again. And I'm absolutely terrified of this.
So I can totally relate to the wait and see element driving you crazy. I just want to get to whatever day it is 8 weeks, 10 weeks, whatever day that would mean I am in the clear. And honestly I don't even know when that is considered to be.
I have told myself this time around that I am going to live day to day, and not worry so much about tomorrow. I don't want C Diff to rob me of my good days too. I can honestly say, this is the most psychologically stressful ordeal I have ever been through in my life. And the required sobriety, no smoking, and strictly healthy eating has ruled out a lot of great coping mechanisms too ;-)

Tsc1964
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby Tsc1964 » Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:06 am

Ive seen a counselor during this. It helped with giving me techniques to help with panic an anxiety but found the talking i didnt have patience for i havent felt like talking on phone or watching movies jus dont have the patience because my stomach feels like someone grabbing it an squeezing which causes anxiety throughout. Have had keep switching up what works to calm me. Now i found the audio bible an that calms me. Eft tapping helped. I think i got better control than month ago but daily struggle. Light exercise helps let off some that tension. On you tube there is eft videos for anxiey also hypnosis an cbt. Ive used them all during this.
Everyday i wake up shaking for months an sometimes i take lil piece of xanax. Laying in bed right now an can feel the anxiety thro my body an mind. Praying this gets better for all of us.

georgina
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby georgina » Tue Mar 14, 2017 5:00 am

David
Do see a psychiatrist , as it seems that you really need help with anxiety. I remember that I was exactly like you in the beginning , every little gurgle or cramp would send me straight into panic mode and deep depression. I felt like I needed help to get trough all of that and I went straight to the psychiatrist , once I started treatment I felt like I had my life back and everything got better , including my gut issues.

Davidtm
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby Davidtm » Sat Mar 18, 2017 2:43 pm

Thank you everyone. I have made steps to get mental health help as part of my team to try and beat this. I need to get my perspective back on track. I spend to much time in my own head. Last night I tried to switch off and have a nice family night. Was much needed to take a break from my thoughts. I have a lot of issues and fears to work through. I really appreciate everyone's words and just want you all to know they have helped me. One day at a time. Hopefully some day I can feel safe and everyday I'm working hard to feel less obsessed and afraid.

overit
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby overit » Tue Mar 21, 2017 2:08 pm

I had the same experience you described. I finally agreed to try anti-anxiety meds (Lexapro) and it was the best thing I ever did! The nerves associated with this illness are almost as bad as the illness itself! Especially for those of us that have had relapses.

amyc
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby amyc » Tue Mar 21, 2017 10:21 pm

Another thumbs up for lexapro. I tried Zoloft and it made my anxiety worse. But psych meds can take some trial and error.

Davidtm
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby Davidtm » Tue Mar 21, 2017 10:55 pm

Thank you for the heads up to what worked for you overit and amyc. I'll be seeing a shrink soon and will hopefully get something to help out. I wish I could spend all day with my girls. Seeing them happy seems to be about the only thing to take me fully out of my own head. Hopefully good days ahead.

Tsc1964
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby Tsc1964 » Tue Mar 21, 2017 11:52 pm

David
I reluctantly started on celexa 3 weeks ago. I always have bad bad side effects with any antidepressants so mu dr started me slow breaking them down to build up. Even at small dose its slowly helping. So im anxious get on full dose an recover some of my mental health. Wishing you the best i say use whatever rescource is available to us that works. Ive used so many coping devices for this anxiety , feel like a magician pulling my next hat out of the bag. Recently someone posted about using heating pad in stomach to help with discomfort i also found it helped with anxiety as well as MKW said chamomile tea is good. This month i even added in cannibas a little bit to calm nerves an help with apetite. Im 53 years old didnt like the stuff in the 70s but it does have medicinal properties. My friend has proressive ms an was using it for pain so i thought ill give it try. But i think good antidepressant will get you back on track an my therapist does EMDR therapy for ptsd. Maybe try find one trained in that or cbt therapy.

roy
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby roy » Wed Mar 22, 2017 6:47 am

Cannabis is a depressant so go carefully with that.
If it's legal in your state get it from your Dr not from a friend.

Tsc1964
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby Tsc1964 » Wed Mar 22, 2017 8:51 am

I havent smoked it to afraid to just lit it an smelled it to afraid to. Lol. But that was enough give little calming. Not something gonna be adding to my life long term just getting over bump.

MKW
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby MKW » Wed Mar 22, 2017 11:24 am

Hi David, I didn't say in my previous post, but I have suffered with anxiety/panic disorder several times in my life following periods of prolonged stress. Anxiety is a broad term, and everyone isn't in the same physiological state with it, and can respond to psychoactive meds very differently. When I have anxiety, I have racing heart, sleeplessness, wake having panic attacks... SSRI antidepressants do not work for me and make my symptoms vastly worse. Cannabis causes me panic attacks, so sadly not an option for me. Benzos like Xanax are the only thing that helps. I hate taking them because they are quickly physically addictive. This is how I ended up using Chamomile, because it effects GABA receptors and so do Benzos. It really works for me.

Ril
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Re: Living in more fear with each day that passes

Postby Ril » Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:08 am

Different medications work for different people. It's not a one fits all scenario. Do see a psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse practitioner and have some therapy and discuss your symptoms and try some medication. Don't be discouraged if it takes more than one trial and some medications take a few weeks to kick in, but it will be worth it to get relief.

Lexapro is an antidepressant with an anti anxiety agent and works well for many but there are others also. Xanax and other benzos are best when carefully used by some. Whatever you do, use meds under the care of a medical professional and not from a friend.

Rita


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