Thoughts keep coming

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okaylo
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Thoughts keep coming

Postby okaylo » Tue Nov 15, 2016 10:48 pm

I'm trying but still the thoughts are creeping in today. My fiances family wants me to come to their house for Thanksgiving and I am terrified to go there because I stayed there once in July and used their bathroom before I knew still had cdiff in my system still and now I'm afraid of whatever may still be in the bathroom. The results from last July before having the second FMT said positive for Cdiff antigen but negative for Toxin A&B. Test was forwarded for PCR and that said positive for toxigenic cdifficile infection. I'm sure this sounds absolutely crazy but I don't want to go over there. I was not having loose stools or diarrhea then and was on an antidepressant then so my gut had slowed down but I am still battling this thought inside my mind and dealing with the fears of the "WHAT IF?" I am now thinking about all of the people that will be there and am getting even more worried. Thanksgiving brings extra anxiety because last year I was around my uncle who had allegedly just recovered from CDIFF and I think that's how I ended up getting it again after a year of not having it. I know that I am going to be told I am being unreasonable and maybe even insane but the fear of this is legitimate and I know I need to get help.

amyc
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Re: Thoughts keep coming

Postby amyc » Wed Nov 16, 2016 1:30 am

You need a psychiatrist. Freaking out about spores because you used a toilet in July is completely irrational. Nobody in his family caught C diff from that toilet, and I assume they have cleaned their bathroom since last summer. Your fiancé sounds amazing, and you are damn lucky to have him. Get help, take meds, and move forward with your life.

georgina
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Re: Thoughts keep coming

Postby georgina » Wed Nov 16, 2016 1:55 am

Please don't post the same thing in 2 different threads , makes it hard for us to follow and answer!

okaylo
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Re: Thoughts keep coming

Postby okaylo » Wed Nov 16, 2016 1:56 am

You're right. I just don't know if they used bleach. I know I'm going crazy. My fiancé is amazing and he tries to understand but he can only understand so much and I know I can't expect him to fully get it. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm going to the counselor beginning of next week. I will get help.

okaylo
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Re: Thoughts keep coming

Postby okaylo » Wed Nov 16, 2016 1:59 am

And sorry about the double post. I didn't know if the other one would be seen because the thread was getting long. Thank you for letting me know.

Ashley20
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Re: Thoughts keep coming

Postby Ashley20 » Wed Nov 16, 2016 7:35 am

Okaylo, I understand your fear because i felt the same way last year. Its been 14 months since my negative cdiff test and i wish i would have spent less time worrying and obsessing...i missed out from enjoying my baby who was 4 months old at the time and whom also tested positive for cdiff. I thought i would never be myself again, i wish i could go back and talk myself out of all the craziness. My mother in law bathed my baby after he pooped inside her kitchen sink a few weeks after i had tested negative. She did not bleach her sink and we have ate at her house many times after that. I know you will be completely fine to go to your fiances home for Thanksgiving...praying you feel better soon and please feel free to pm me whenever you need to talk :)

beth22
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Re: Thoughts keep coming

Postby beth22 » Wed Nov 16, 2016 8:51 pm

Just wash your hands well after you use the bathroom. You should be doing that anyway. Do you ever use a public restroom? I use them all the time. They have way more stuff there. If you are that concerned, just don't sit down on the toilet seat. Pretend it is a public bathroom and squat.

okaylo
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Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2016 6:32 pm

Re: Thoughts keep coming

Postby okaylo » Thu Nov 17, 2016 1:02 pm

Thank you Ashley. I appreciate it and hope you are doing well. Best wishes.

Beth, Yes, I was my hands extremely thoroughly after using the bathroom and even my wrists. Sometimes I wash twice. If I use a public restroom I never sit on the seat in them or even use them unless it's a complete necessity and I don't use them for bowel movements. As for at home, I can't squat that long my knees give out but I get what you're saying. The other day I had to use a public restroom and I looked down at my hand before I even went to wipe and there was some brownish yellow on it. Don't know what it was but I certainly freaked out. I highly doubt it was someone else's stool but the anxiety is still there. This is all just so awful and nerve wracking. My stomach is upside down again today. More loose stools and diarrhea but not the full on watery. I know stress isn't helping matters. I finally got some peace of mind last night once I cleaned my sink area and toilet and was able to take a breath. Then this morning it was back to the anxiety, having to use the plunger and now I feel like I need to clean all over again. I wonder if and when this fear will ever go away.


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