Scared to live life after c diff

[Cm1619]

Anyone else feel like c diff has turned your life upside down in terms of your future?

I have a one and a half year old daughter and I've ALWAYS wanted more children. Because of getting c diff earlier this year I am now determined to not have anymore children in fear of getting c diff again. I'll most likely need another c section and antibiotics during delivery so I'm terrified of being pregnant again. I'm also afraid to be sick and pregnant now that I'm finally healthy again.

I'm sad because this illness has potentially ruined any chance at us expanding our family and I know my husband wants more but he understands.

I'm also afraid to start birth control which I know is obviously contradicting my previous statement of my fear of being pregnant. When I came down with c diff symptoms it was exactly a couple of days after starting my birth control so of course the irrational fear that it came into play is there.

It's only been 6 months since my diagnosis but it's still controlling my life!

Has anyone here gotten pregnant AFTER c diff and had a c diff free delivery/recovery. I'm hoping to hear stories that will make me feel braver.

I hope everyone reading this is getting better and feeling healthy!

[Jill79]

Hi Cm,

I literally just wrote the words "turned my life upside down" a few minutes ago in my last post. Unfortunately I can't relate to the issue over having children as I don't have any and really wasn't planning on it even before C. Diff but I can totally see how having this illness can make that decision even harder. The fear is awful, this illness is so unpredictable and uncertain.

However, I have been on birth control (the pill) for over 21 years and unless there is a study or medical proof that I don't know about that shows a link between it and C. Diff, I'm sure it's just anxiety over both happening for you around the same time.

I hope you are able to overcome your fears and move forward as I hope to do. I'm glad to hear your husband understands and I can imagine other mothers will chime in with their experiences and some suggestions about your fears.

[beth22]

We have had some posters who got pregnant after c diff. I don't know that they are still posting. You might look in the search box for older posts and try to contact them by pm if you feel like doing that. Have you spoken to OB/Gyn about the possibility of having more children, having a c -section, etc. I had a C-section and was given antibiotics, but that was because I had developed a fever before the C-section. Is it always necessary to have antibiotics for that procedure? I had two surgeries in 2013 without any antibiotics. One was parathyroid where they cut open my neck and the other was breast surgery. I would talk with your doctor about it.

[amyc]

You were cured of C diff by a single course of flagyl, right? I guess I don't understand why you would radically change your life because of an infection that you recovered from. C diff is gross, but so is norovirus or Salmonella. I assume you still eat poultry?

If you have decided that you want to focus on being a mommy for one child instead of several kids that's your choice and perfectly fine. If you are limiting the size of your family only because of fear of a C diff relapse, that seems unfortunate and unnecessary. You're young, so why don't you take the BCP for a year to give yourself time to decide what you want to do. Oral contraceptives don't cause C diff.

[georgina]

I have a friend who had Cdiff in 2015 , recovered after the first episode , got pregnant this year and had a reoccurance of Cdiff in April because she needed a single dose of antibiotic (she didn't knew she was pregnant when she took the antibiotic) ,she was treated with 14 days of vanco recovered again after this second episode while she was carring the pregnancy and she is fine now , she is giving birth in November and she did not relapsed during the pregnancy.

[roy]

I am going to post my true feelings.
Not the sympathetic post you want.
You had a mild dose of the runs and being a panicky person you rushed of to hospital.
The hospital tested you and found you had a naturaly occurring bacteria in your gut that may or may not be causing your days of D.
You took a short course of meds and it all went away.
Just the same as cream makes your baby's nappy rash better.
If your minds in turmoil don't blame it on a bug that for you was just a few days of inconvenience.
Millions of people share that few days each year and don't think like you do.
When someone needs help with coping with everyday life they can blame a previous problem for all their troubles.
C.diff is not a life long illness.
If your feeling this way then you need to explain it to your family and your Dr.
You don't need sympathy or support because of c.diff but you do need help to control the thoughts that your wrongly saying is caused by what for you was a very minor illness.
Our minds can play some nasty tricks on us at times and we try to blame it on something.
Be open with your family and yourself and ask for help in overcoming the irrational feelings.

[Ashley20]

Hi Cm1619 :) my baby is also 18 months old and i was diagnosed with the cdiff when he was 4 months old. Like you i recovered quite quickly with just 1 course of Flagyl. I understand your fears and if i were to get pregnant again i would too most likely have another c-section and need antibiotics. What i do know now is that i would not allow them to give me Clindamycin again. If having another baby is what you really want then you should definitely try. I have a 13 year old boy too and he grew up as an only child but he always wanted and begged us for a brother. It took me 6 years to get pregnant and despite the whole cdiff situation...im so happy that my son has a little brother. I'm 40 years old so getting pregnant again is not in my plans, but i do worry cause I'm a worrier and that's just who i am. I have gone back to living my life exactly the way i used to before cdiff...no more bleaching and no more washing my hands raw. It feels great and it helps with the anxiety...you have to trust that you will be okay...please pm me whenever you want or if you feel like talking, take care!

[Ismaila]

@ Cm1619 : I wish you best of health , and praying and hoping that life brings you exactly what you wish for, without C Diff ever again! I have an adult son, not a baby, but I do understand all well how your life is basically based on on what can bring or will not bring C Diff. It literally for some reason causes PTSD - although I know people who went through cancer and were not in this state of mind. What on Earth is it about his illness?!

@ Roy: you are, as usual, right 100 %. And I will give you a theory why I think this happens to many of us, especially women: there are studies on several medical schools, both here and in Europe, that point out that one's chances to recover successfully from C Diff. are smaller if you are a woman; if you have psychological issues (anxiety, depression). I was in total shock when I read this! I was thinking; It is a bacterium, how can that be linked to what sex you are, and if you are high strung, or not, or suffer from anxiety??? But - that is what some studies say. I think , at least some of us, must ask for help somewhere else, not at the GI office. Well, I know I must.

I do not mean to diminish anybody's feelings and the reality of the illness itself, by any means. By at this point of my life, I continue to live in fear, and on Xanax. I developed real fear of eating and at this point, since last March (2016) , I have lost 28 pounds. The loss never stopped, because I do not eat - as simple as that. I still suffer without knowing really from what ( IBS, Lingering C Dif-this one I really do not believe in-, high anxiety, madness...or something completely different).

But I have always felt that Roy was the most helpful, for me, on the Forum. I highly respect all the moderators, I almost consider them part of my family, and many of them sent me personal messages whenever I needed extra help. I will never forget that! But Roy often says it without wrapping paper, and bows, and some of us really need it.

Again, thank you Bobbie for founding the site. Thank you all for all your help, and God bless you with the best of health

[Cm1619]

Thank you everyone for you kind and honest words!! I do think and hope that one day I will be comfortable with the idea of being pregnant again. Recovering from a c section was SO hard that I just can't imagine going through that along with c diff not to mention caring for a toddler and a newborn! Seems like a totally rational fear to me but then again I might not be thinking clearly due to my fears! I know that c diff has done a number on my mental health ha!

At least if I ever get c diff symptoms again I can treat a lot faster than I did when I first got it. I went 8-9 days straight of going 20+ times a day and it's taken me 6 months to finally feel like myself again and not wake up with nausea. C diff(or at least what I went through) is certainly not something I would compare to the flu or salmonela. But I do see your point! Yes I still eat chicken :) I did recover after one round of Flagyl so maybe if I ever were to relapse again I would have the peace of mind that another round of it or Vanco would do the trick.

I do talk to a therapist about these fears and I think she gets it but I know she never will in the way that you all really do. I think for now it's just too soon and fresh in my mind but I'm hoping with each passing month c diff can become a thing of the past and something that I don't think about as often.

Interesting about the study on women and c diff. From this board alone, I can see it's more women than men and a lot of us seem to be worriers.

[Lisa33]

Please don't let c-diff deter you from expanding your family. I understand your fears and anxiety, but don't let it take away from your life in such a huge way. It sounds as if you really wanted more children. This can be a lifetime regret, so think through this long and hard. And for the record, I had a c-section and didn't need to take antibiotics at all. Most people I know who had c-sections did not take them. I believe they are only given if there is indication of an infection. Maybe discuss with your OB/GYN the lowest risk antibiotics in the case of an infection developing.

[Cm1619]

Thank you Lisa :) You all have pretty much helped me sway more towards be open to having more kids. I managed to convince myself I only wanted one but really I was afraid of c diff. Silly.

I meant to add that I had strep b during pregnancy so I was required to have Penicillin every 4 hours during my delivery. C section or not, I believe. I think there's a 1 in 4 chance of being strep b positive during pregnancy and it's possible I won't be positive for every pregnancy. My labor was two days long so I was given a TON of Penicillin :/

[Lisa33]

I would definitely talk to your GI and OB/GYN to discuss a future plan if an infection arises during pregnancy. Also, discuss what's safe to take while pregnant as far as probiotics go to try to keep your good gut flora in check if an antibiotic is needed. If you can take a lower risk antibiotic and probiotics, maybe that would be enough to avoid a c-diff recurrence. It's good to have a plan, but hopefully if the time comes when you are pregnant, you won't get strep or any other infecton and won't need an antibiotic. You are also more aware and educated now on c-diff, so you can be more careful in a hospital setting as well. Make sure your hands are washed before eating. Make sure nurses are changing their gloves and cleaning appropriately, etc.

[Cm1619]

That's a great idea Lisa. I think having a plan will help me feel better about it. Anxiety is all about the unknown after all ;)

I started the birth control today. Thanks to this group.

Roy-yes, always love your honesty too haha. I imagine you as an English man that has a great, dry sense of humor. No?

[beth22]

Also, as far as I know, the fact that you had one C-section does not mean that your next pregnancy will require one. Many years ago, doctors routinely did C-sections for women who had one already, but now that is not the case anymore. Again, if and when you are ready to think about another pregnancy, discuss all of this with your doctors. Having only one child is good too - I only have one.

[Cm1619]

Beth-I might have to PM you then :) C diff convinced me that having one would be enough but I'd love to hear from other moms that have just one! I'm from a big family so it never even occurred to me that one was an option.