Anything else ?

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Acres
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Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2016 11:24 am

Anything else ?

Postby Acres » Sat Apr 30, 2016 2:47 pm

Hi,
I noticed small bald stops on the side of my head this morning (I sport a crew cut so anymore loss stands out) I need to vent...
My depression is in the clouds, my stools the last 2 days have started to loosen up, my entire pelvic, urinary tract area is in pain, getting stress headaches, I do not feel like doing anything and have to force myself to get out. I keep losing weight (5'7" 114lbs)
I am trying not to nose dive into depression but I think I am losing the battle.... I have no energy, I only look forward to night and going to sleep....
I cry several times a day -
My wife is wonderful, but how much can I place on her shoulders ?
All because of 5 clindamycin pills - I want to punch somebody I am so angry - My life has been hijacked !
We were thinking about buying a house in PA, but that dream is dead.
My Mom is in rehab. for shoulder surgery, but I had to leave and come home due to my pain. I feel very guilty, leaving her....
Scott

Ismaila
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Re: Anything else ?

Postby Ismaila » Sat Apr 30, 2016 4:01 pm

Scott,

That is exactly how I felt when I came down with a severe UTI in the middle of Vanco treatment. I mean it: I would just close myself in one of the rooms and cry. I was pretty sure I was about to die, or, at least, I was never , ever going to get better. I still have no idea if I am going to relapse, but I am taking one day at a time, there is no other way.

C Diff certainly is a horrible illness. I realized reading other people's posts, that most of the doctors do not think, for some reason, that this is a big deal. My GI, allegedly one of the best in the area, did not tell me after I tested positive, that this thing is infectious, I swear to God?! I still cannot believe it. Had it not been for the Forum, I would have been in complete dark. Also, neither GI or my Internist want to admit that Vanco causes bladder/UT problems. I cannot comprehend it.

Try to soothe your pain with Aleve, that is what helped me little during the worst UTI pain. Nothing else (including narcotics), could help with the pain. Try to avoid all the triggers for bladder irritation ( they have them listed at Waterfall D-Mannose).
As to poop, You are in distress and that is why your stools are getting looser. Your stomach, as we all know, reacts to your great distress.

Last but not the least: I also felt like I was a burden to my husband at some point. Hey, if that is true, I do not care any longer. If he does not like being around me, he is more than welcome to leave the house. Nobody will take care of me if I do not do it. If I need to cry, I cry. If I need to sleep and not do anything, that is what I do.

Send me a PM, if you need to. This too shall pass, we all learned it from this great Forum.

Ismaila

NanciT
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Re: Anything else ?

Postby NanciT » Sat Apr 30, 2016 5:14 pm

Hi Scott

I am so sorry you are going through this, know that when the GUT ....as it is with CDIFF, it wreaks havoc with our emotions, there are direct correlations to this. SO many including myself go through terrible periods of crying and depression...it is sadly typical with CDIFF and especially off treatment lasts awhile.
Please know that you are not alone, as Ismalia has mentioned many of the symptoms you are having are common. It's good to get it out here and vent.
Hoping the medication will do it's job and this will soon be in the past
Take Care
NanciT

justme
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Re: Anything else ?

Postby justme » Sat Apr 30, 2016 5:52 pm

Scott: This illness is like none I've ever endured. I am an old broad with some some major health issues, but nothing prepared me for C. Diff. I cried all the time (and I rarely cry), complained a lot (my poor husband just hugged me), and took lots of naps with a heating pad (if you don't have one, I would recommend it highly). I lost 40 lbs in 6 weeks on a small boned frame. It's taken me 3 years to achieve a semblance of normality, probably due to my age, but IBS has eliminated quite a few food choices (especially dairy and spicy food). Some people sail through this with just a few bumps in the road, and others suffer terribly. The mental anguish and worry about how you are affecting others is an additional side effect of an illness like C. Diff. Other issues like the undetermined length of recovery and worry over a relapse or a recurrence with antibiotic usage can also play with your mind.

Your mom loves you so I'm sure she understands, and when you marry, you take an oath "in sickness and in health". Love is not conditional (or it shouldn't be). Don't worry about what others think about you, just focus on getting well. There is a saying "and this too shall pass" and it will. However, I would recommend that you address the depression you are feeling and seek out some help. Because of the chronic nature of this disease, a psychologist who specializes in this type of counseling can be very beneficial. I am not embarrassed to say that I eventually did see someone and she helped me immensely. Also, try to distract yourself with things that will occupy your mind for awhile (a good movie, watching sports, reading a book, the computer, etc.). You WILL get through this.

Take care and much aloha,
Anne

Acres
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Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2016 11:24 am

Re: Anything else ?

Postby Acres » Sat Apr 30, 2016 11:19 pm

Hi,
Thank you all for your words of encouragement and wise advice....This group is a shoulder to lean on...
I still cannot believe this nightmare is happening...
I have memory triggers everywhere I go - of my lifestyle prior to this illness like stopping for a beer, going to our favorite restaurant, taking the dog for a long hike, just having a normal conversation with someone and not focusing on the pain (makes it difficult to concentrate) Simple things I never ever dreamed I could not enjoy...

Tonight we went car shopping (wife's car is 14) and I had the "urge to go" most of the time....A beautiful evening and I could not really enjoy it - Feeling so tired and worrying about a stool accident... When we arrived home the urge stopped. How cruel is that....I know my worrying feeds the symptoms, but I cannot seem to stop worrying....
Prayers to you all for relief and happiness
Scott

NanciT
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Re: Anything else ?

Postby NanciT » Sun May 01, 2016 12:16 am

Scott,

Talk to the GI about an antispasmodic ( Levsin) which can help with the urgent symptoms and IBS symptoms. It may help
NanciT

georgina
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Re: Anything else ?

Postby georgina » Sun May 01, 2016 1:37 am

Acres
I am so sorry you are suffering , this damned disease has turned my life upside down in so many ways. I never would have imagined that i will end up taking antidepressant or antianxiety meds in my entire life , but this disease made me so depressed and fearful taht i had to take them and I never had sleep problems and now i can't sleep without meds lll this , thank's to CDiff!! But , please don't loose faith ,be optimistic, you will get better even if it feels that you never will.
I'll pray that all goes well!

Like Nanci said , talk to your doctor about antispasmodics , they help with that rectal pressure and cramps.

peanut
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Re: Anything else ?

Postby peanut » Tue May 03, 2016 10:27 pm

scott, as everyone else stated most of us know very well how you are feeling right now...I cant speak for everyone but I know I myself have felt and gone through everything you are at this time both physically and mentally...it is so very very hard to keep a positive mind frame with this horror of an illness...I myself found that anxiety medication has helped me tremendously with mentally coping...trust me you can do this and it will get better and you will be yourself again without a doubt...my thoughts are with you

Dukiemom
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Re: Anything else ?

Postby Dukiemom » Wed May 04, 2016 7:52 am

Scott,
Wipe any guilt you have about feeling badly right out of your mind. It's one of the only things you can control. It is unfair that you have to contend with this disease. It is unfair that it hits so many areas of your life, eating, working, your relationships, your social life, your emotions-old cdiff doesn't just affect the intestines! But you are strong and brave and you will defeat it. It may be soon, it may take longer, but a day will come when you and your wife will go out for a meal where there will be more than one thing on the menu you can eat and you will laugh and leave maybe not even knowing where the bathroom was. While cdiff affects some part of my life still every single day, I wake up and it is not the first thing I think of anymore. I am forever changed, but I am good and you will be too. There are people on this board who care about you and are praying for you Scott.

Ril
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Re: Anything else ?

Postby Ril » Wed May 04, 2016 10:03 am

As you have heard, there really is an end in sight, you just don't know how long it may take to get there and what path it might take. I am 3 1/2 years out but it is still very clear to me what I went through to get to this point. It takes a very long time to feel "normal" and that makes the anxiety worse...never sure if I was anxious because I felt sick or because I was afraid I was relapsing. That's where the support of this site was invaluable. So this is your new "normal" for a while and keep coming to the site for reassurance and information about the unknown. It really stinks that this is a disease that keeps on giving. Recovery is a strange word here- it does not just mean you are now cured, it is a process for your body to begin healing and can take a long time to get back to it's maybe new norm. But it does get there.
Thinking of you.
Rita

Acres
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Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2016 11:24 am

Re: Anything else ?

Postby Acres » Thu May 05, 2016 12:55 am

Hi,
I wish I could give all of you a hug...
Your positive feedback has helped me out of my emotional ditch...
I am feeling better, physically and mentally....Having said that, I am under no illusions that I am anywhere close to 100%.
On the upside - I took my dog for a 30 minute walk today and did some pelvic exercises and stretching a friend of mine who is a chiropractor suggested. She thinks my c.diff created so much pelvic muscle tension I now have a type of chronic pelvic pain syndrome. But who knows, it might be a combination of that and a side effect from vanco.
I think stress elevated my symptoms as well and since I have calmed down, my aches and pains have decreased and the "urge" feeling is gone (for now)...My stools are better (far from perfect, but better)
I am going to try to walk the dog everyday and exercise and do my best to stay positive..... At least that is the plan....I have Xanax, but will only take it when I really need it...I am also going to talk to a psychologist soon. I figure it can't hurt and I would like to avoid those extreme moods of depression I was having.
Also taking d-mannose, papaya, dgl and added coconut bread with raw honey and lemon cake to my diet without any negative effects... Gained 2 pounds !
Thank you so much - I can feel your prayers and positive thoughts,
Scott

Bobbie
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Re: Anything else ?

Postby Bobbie » Thu May 05, 2016 7:23 pm

Scott,

Sounds as tho,you are doing everything right. Exercise has always helped me a lot.

Best of luck.

Acres
Regular Contributor
Posts: 172
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2016 11:24 am

Re: Anything else ?

Postby Acres » Tue May 10, 2016 11:23 pm

Hi,
Just wanted to tell everyone, over the past 5 days I've had a dramatic improvement in my health...
My urinary issues are 90% gone, my urge to go is gone, my stools are good, I have more energy and feel very positive about the future...
I think the d-mannose, papaya and dgl put a big dent in my troubles down below....But the biggest difference I believe has been the change in my emotional attitude caused by the words of encouragement, kindness and compassion from everyone in this discuss group..

Over the weekend I ate pancakes, pizza and drank 1 beer without any digestive issues....
I think I am over the hump....Time will tell....

Thank you...
Scott


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