So tired, god help me.

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Jlady
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So tired, god help me.

Postby Jlady » Sun Apr 10, 2016 9:23 pm

Just needed a place to vent today. Some days I am good at staying positive. I have a plan (vanco until my baby is born, then try FMT)..but still, I get a bit down sometimes. I realize now that vanco is what has kept my appetite down, it was not ever my pregnancy..the weeks I was off it, I had my old appetite back, and it was great..to want to eat food-such a blessing really. Now on vanco again, and eating is once again more or less a chore..but a big important one for me, for this baby I am carrying. I go about my day and in my life trying to stay positive, but sometimes I need a moment to breakdown. To be honest, sometimes I just need a good cry...I get scared that my life, long term, will be impacted by c diff. I get scared my career in healthcare, the one I spent $ and years in school for, will suffer when eventually I will have to choose some other job I do not like as much just because its a healthier environment. This makes me angry. And sometimes I am so tired, but pregnancy insomnia has struck...not sure if its my body hurting at night, or anxiety..but not sleeping as good..and again, that makes me angry. Then I get mad at myself for being "negative" when everyone tells me how important it is to stay positive. I am trying, I really am-but some days are harder than others.

Meanwhile at work, I walk by a patients room that clearly smells of c diff. I stop at door and the therapist working with her tells me she has tried to get her up out of bed to work with her, but patient has had 2 episodes of diarrhea and does not look like she will make it to gym. I go down hall and tell nurse I am pretty positive this new patient has c diff, needs to be tested...nurse says he will make a note of it and notify doctor tomorrow.I did advocate for her to just stay in bed and rest...leave this woman alone people she probably has c diff...let her be! You do not know what it is like, it is not just diarrhea (if it was only just the diarrhea).

I need to stay positive and happy because it causes my family/husband too much distress when I am not...but at least here I can be a bit more honest. I am having a rough day, a rough time in general. Sometimes life seems really unfair, and that sucks. And I think its ok to say that every once in a while.

beth22
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby beth22 » Sun Apr 10, 2016 9:54 pm

Vent all you want. You have every right to be angry and frustrated. I have felt that way many times and I am sure that many of us on this board have too. Things will get better for you and I truly believe that some new and better treatments are coming in the not too far off future. I think the plan you have is a good one. FMT is what helped me and it has helped others. After the baby is born, you can deal with what to do.

AllisS
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby AllisS » Sun Apr 10, 2016 10:43 pm

I truly believe that Western culture's obsession with being "positive" vs. "negative" is based on a false notion that causes a lot of misery. It's similar to trying to classify everything as "good" or "bad." Any feeling or thought that you might have about your experience is valid. This isn't to say that the quest to lift one's own (or others') spirits isn't commendable or worthwhile. But the constant pressure to project happiness and positivity is an unfair burden, in my opinion.

Allison
If your illness was preceded by use of a medication, e.g., an antibiotic, please fill out an FDA Adverse Event Report at http://www.fda.gov/Safety/MedWatch/default.htm

Ismaila
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby Ismaila » Mon Apr 11, 2016 7:20 pm

Allison, I agree with you 100 percent! I , coming from a different culture, feel like I am doing some criminal activity if I am not positive all the time. Seriously : I feel like sh.t, and can not work, and I relapsed, and my hands are dry like parchment from bleach, and so on... I just want to get cured, so, I want to be alone and cry, there.

Still, we all are trying, really hard. The problem with any stomach/gut disease or issue, is that it goes straight to your brains. It is so hard to stay positive sometime.

This site is our refuge and shelter. And we all learned so much from it.

Jlady
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby Jlady » Mon Apr 11, 2016 10:55 pm

You all make me feel like I am not insane, and that is just so helpful. I do wish culture was different, and we could just be honest to people without it being akward "how is your day going?" " oh it sucks, c diff..yada yada." It just does not seem to fly around here. Glad I have this place, it keeps me sane and I do not have to filter myself.Today one of my patients told me I better stay healthy because life is so much harder when you aren't. I just said "I will sure try, but there are no guarantees in life!" In reality I wanted to tell her I really am not the picture of health right now, but I hope to be once I beat c diff !

AllisS
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby AllisS » Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:23 am

Ismaila, glad you agree about the cult of positivity! On another topic: I hope you aren't using bleach on your hands directly or without protection when cleaning with it; it's an abrasive chemical. I use disposable gloves -- they come in boxes at the pharmacy -- whenever I have occasion to use bleach wipes.
If your illness was preceded by use of a medication, e.g., an antibiotic, please fill out an FDA Adverse Event Report at http://www.fda.gov/Safety/MedWatch/default.htm

Ismaila
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby Ismaila » Thu Apr 14, 2016 3:22 pm

Allison,

I did burn my finger little with the bleach. I am much more careful

I also think I am overdoing it, but, why risk it, right?

AllisS
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby AllisS » Thu Apr 14, 2016 4:18 pm

You are risking serious injury to your skin by applying bleach directly to it, if that is what you've been doing. Bleach is NEVER supposed to contact the skin (or eyes). You are risking NOTHING by abstaining from this risky practice; C. diff isn't going to spread or recur because bleach was used in this manner. Bleach is meant to be applied in a diluted mixture of one part bleach to nine parts water. Leave it on the surfaces you're cleaning for ten minutes before wiping dry. The Clorox Germicidal Bleach wipes that many of us have used for convenience should be handled only with protective gloves.
If your illness was preceded by use of a medication, e.g., an antibiotic, please fill out an FDA Adverse Event Report at http://www.fda.gov/Safety/MedWatch/default.htm

notheidi
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby notheidi » Wed Apr 20, 2016 2:16 am

Jlady,

Hang in there! Bless your heart!!!

Not sure what you career in healthcare is, but I am also in healthcare. I have a disability accommodation note from my doctor that I can't work with c diff patients due to my susceptibility, would this be an option for you?
2010 mod/sev w/leukocytosis, cefdenir-sinus inf, metro rx'd wrong, resurged during tx. recovered w/dose change, lost 40 lbs. 2015 mod recur fr SNF, no abx, resolved w/vanco. 7/2022 mod recur, community acq, no abx, intermittent prodrome but didn't realize

georgina
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby georgina » Wed Apr 20, 2016 8:05 am

I am also in heathcare , i work as a nurse and i had to be moved from the departament where i was hired.I used to work in surgery floor but now i am in ambulatory in a endocrinology office.No more direct patient care for me , at least for now.

Bobbie
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby Bobbie » Mon Apr 25, 2016 12:36 am

Relieved you are away from direct patient contact. Less stress for you and perhaps you can return to surgery when better. We have had a lot of nurses post though the years. Some gave up nursing after a long bout with c diff and some didn't - individual decision.

georgina
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby georgina » Mon Apr 25, 2016 12:55 am

It's true that now I have a less stressful job although I miss the adrenaline from surgery dep. :)) but , for now I will settle for this.

kayron
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby kayron » Sat Jun 04, 2016 1:41 pm

I can relate to your sentiments. I have been sick since the first of year. I just found out I had C Diff a little over a month ago after being sick since the end of January. They doctors finally did a stool culture and found out it was positive. I have been on Cipro/Flagyl, Flagyl again and then Vancomycin. I am playing the waiting game at the moment. I am taking probiotics. I suppose to take Questran but it does not agree with me. When I went to the ER they said I was having panic attacks. I cry and get depressed and anxious. I just found out yesterday that my employer is letting me go from a lack of work after 22 years. The timing is off as medical bills are mounting. I hope you get better soon, but you are not alone. I do not know what they will do if I test positive again. If this is positive it will b my third positive test. I hope things get better for you.

beth22
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby beth22 » Sat Jun 04, 2016 2:31 pm

Welcome Kayron - So sorry that you have been dealing with this. If you do relapse again, and hopefully after the vancomycin you won't, there is Dificid to try. It is quite expensive, but they have a patient assistance program (listed at top of treatments page). Vanco has worked for many, and hopefully it will for you as well.

roy
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Re: So tired, god help me.

Postby roy » Sat Jun 04, 2016 3:31 pm

Kayron
Are they treating you just because you are getting positive test results or do you have the classic frequent watery D.


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