Rant: c diff PTSD, courtesy of nursing home

[notheidi]

I came fact to face with my c diff PTSD today. Walked into a nursing home that actually smelled like c diff, with the big yellow soiled linen trash can outside of someone's door with a 'do not enter' sign. I was so upset. I didn't want to even breathe in there! I felt nauseous. Someone was waxing the floor and the waxing machine was kicking up air from the floor and creating a breeze by me and I was upset by that. I know it's not airborne but I am creeped out anyway. I used my c diff wipes on the nurse's station counter and chair arms but still felt so disturbed. I just can't stand to be around it. It's really hard to face it every day at work. % # @ ^ & !!!!!

I just don't know that I want to continue working around it for much longer. I feel like if I get it again, I wouldn't forgive myself for putting myself through that and not doing everything I could to avoid it. At the same time, I like a lot of other things about my job. : - \

My stomach is gurgling a bit tonight. In reality, it's probably the spicy food I had for lunch, or the Culturelle I took because I ran out of Florastor. But you know...

[beth22]

I've been going to see my mom at a nursing home for a few years now. She has had c diff before and she has not caught it there nor I. I am more leery of hospitals. I think I got my last positive test when I sat with her in ER for 6 hrs and then visited her when she was hospitalized.

[Bobbie]

Notheidi,
I, too,have had PTSD so under stand. The first time was when my mom died after breaking her second hip. The second time was when I was in a car accident - no fault, no injury but lots of damage to both vehicle - broke my wrist making a bed (have osteoporosis), and developed c diff after being free of it for 10 years - altho I had IBS for most of those years.

Perhaps you need to find another job. We've had a number of nurses go into another field after having c diff. Could you do something related? I have thought about taking a course In medical coding. You could work for insurance company or doctors office,

Do what your heart tells you to do. You do sound stressed.

[Tre16]

I was just thinking about this...my grandmother just recently was transferred to a nursing home, now I come down with this and I'm going to be so paranoid to go visit her. My mom came to my house the other day straight from visiting her, and I said "did you wash your hands ?"...."oh yeah we purelled" she says...MOM!! You know purell doesn't kill cdiff! Ugh ! It's sad to think you might have to give up a job you love because of this stupid disease. I've been a vet tech for 16 years, have worked with animals my whole life, and now I'm very leery of going back to work, very nervous that I could have gotten it from an animal. My Doc says probably not, but seeing as all new studies show animals and humans do carry the same strain, I think it's certainly a possibility. You're a nurse? It seems like most of the nurses I have spoken with act like it's no big deal, perhaps that's because they've never had it themselves! When I was in the ER the other day, they had the contact precaution sign on the door, and not one Dr or nurse that came in gowned up or put gloves on.

[notheidi]

Thanks all. Thankfully I'm a social worker, so I'm not limited to working in medical settings! One of the problems with outpatient mental health is that you end up being on call for crises, which is not so great. It is a high burnout field.

Tre, you have an option that I don't have when you go visit: touch as few surfaces as possible. I have to be at the nurse's station and touch charts, but you don't, which is great! Yeah, I've seen that nurse attitude. In fact, one at the outbreak location even said, 'oh, it's just c diff.' I was mortified.

Bobbie, those do sound like traumatizing things to go through! I am struck by the image of breaking your wrist while making a bed. Well I'm glad you're still getting up and fighting every day!

Beth, I got my original c diff case from going to the ER. As far as nursing homes, I think it depends on the quality and infection control. Well that's everywhere with c diff.

Yeah, it's really affecting my quality of life. I don't want to live like this. I want basic hygiene and maybe a little extra carefulness to be enough when I'm at work. Not terror every day and cases of c diff wipes! I have to remind myself I got it after going to a facility with an outbreak, not with just a patient here or there who has it.

I need to stay at this job until my house closes escrow in early August. Then I have some serious thinking to do. My main issue is that I've changed jobs a lot and worry that no one will want to hire me.

I am getting pretty exhausted trying to deal with this escrow and work and recover from this infection all in the same month. It is a lot. I am just putting one foot in front of the other.

I ran out of florastor and I have to get to costco but I can't get there because I have too much stuff to do. I am going to take the VSL tonight instead, but I really do need to get there and pick it up.

I am lucky that my employer is very supportive and even protective of me now. They try as best they can to not send me to see someone who even has that in their history, even if they don't have it now. That support means a lot to me.

[beth22]

You're lucky that your employer is supportive. And yes, nursing homes can be terrible. My mom was at a rehab hospital for a year and that is where I got my first bout of c diff. She had it several times there and most of her floor did too. Even my doctor's wife got it when she had a stroke and went for rehab there and she was not even eating - she had a feeding tube. The nurses were very lax in their attitude too and the visitors were not really warned well. I did not need to gown up when I went into my mom's room, for example. I wish I had known then what I know now about c diff.

[JeannieR]

I am a nurse, and have seriously been considering quitting my job. I work in a doc office and have for 8 years. I love my job. But I don't think it's I worth the risk being exposed to infections and illnesses after having cdiff. I want to stay as far away from antibiotics as possible!

[Bobbie]

Tre,
I think you have far less chance of contacting cdiff again working with animals than with people

[notheidi]

Beth, it sucks that you got it from a nursing home when visiting your mother! We have to demand nursing home reform...

Jeannie, sorry to hear that you're struggling with the employment question as I am. Did you catch it from work? One one level, it seems crazy to me to leave a job I like because of it--that is because of a fear of something that may or may not ever happen again--but on another level, it's not just one infection, because you never know when it's going to end, and it's quality of life issue in having to worry and think about it all the time.

I hope they find a cure soon.

[Tre16]

Bobbie- yeah I hope so...I'm very careful at work to always wash my hands, I even keep my own bottle of chlorhexadine next to the bathroom to use instead of regular soap! However, it is a very unpredictable messy job even if you are careful...I guess it just drives me nuts thinking of where I could have possibly picked this up. C diff PTSD is definitely real! I just hope it wears off eventually- I don't want to be the kind of person that's paranoid about everything and yelling at my kids not to touch anything!

[NanciT]

I think many of us in Health Care are really in a difficult situation, do you continue with the work you love but also now understand the risk of how difficult CDIFF is.

Most in Health Care do not understand how difficult this is to work through not only from the physical ordeal of being treated over and over again but also the mental health side of it where there is real fear of CDIFF returning. Once you have fought this battle and won...it's tough going back to work understanding fully how difficult it is.
I often tell MD's and Nurses that you can't really imagine how difficult this is for many. Sadly, CDIFF is often seen as diarrhea brought on by antibiotics and cleared quickly with treatment. There are some who do very well after one treatment, but many who do not. I think it took me a so long due to the fact I have been in Health Care all of my life.

For those of us working around it, we know all the precautions we have to take but the fear is still there. I myself am currently not working directly with patients right now but I am in the hospital setting and walking through. I touch nothing and wash my hands constantly. I no longer sit at the nurses station and put my note book down. I take so many precautions and yet still worry.

It is such a difficult decision and one each of us struggle with.