Is there hope?

You can do it here... but no profanity, naming specific names, etc. Try to be constructive. Suggestions to improve the board or discussion forums are always appreciated.
sevla
Regular Contributor
Posts: 338
Joined: Mon May 25, 2015 11:30 am

Is there hope?

Postby sevla » Thu Jul 09, 2015 1:59 pm

Hi everyone,

One of the biggest battles of this illness is to try to maintain hope and the mental health. Anxiety and depressing come along as hope decreases when it strikes back one time after the other. The uncertainty is just too much for me.

Beth and others here have stated that even after active c diff is treated, c diff stays inside us and can come back without antibiotics or PPIs (like when we are run down). Others here have relapsed after stomach viruses and no antibioitcs (which, I wonder if they act similar to a colonoscopy in flushing out the flora). And a recent poster relapsed after getting dental fillings.

So my question is how do you all move on with this lurking inside? What if it causes a random attack of D the minute I get run down? How do I eat without being afraid of D?

The fact that even stress can cause it sends me spinning as I have a very high stress job...

Thanks and sorry for the rant, everyone.

NikaNik
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 699
Joined: Wed Mar 11, 2015 11:52 am

Re: Is there hope?

Postby NikaNik » Thu Jul 09, 2015 2:51 pm

Hi, Sevla! I'm so glad you've posted this because I have all the same questions. I thought after several months or so one was considered "safe" as long as we didn't take antibiotics or PPIs. But I keep seeing posts where people have described relapsing with no antibiotics or PPI/acid reflux use (like you said - relapsing after colonoscopies, being run down, stomach viruses - even though it's been said by an expert that can't happen, it did to several posters). I'm confused as well. How does one ever move on in life knowing this is in our gut and can surprise us whenever? I know we will get through this! Hugs.

Jackie25
Regular Contributor
Posts: 383
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2015 6:28 pm

Re: Is there hope?

Postby Jackie25 » Thu Jul 09, 2015 5:45 pm

Hello! I'm sorry your having a hard time, I know what that's like. I've had anxiety my entire life, c diff made it come out of the woodwork daily. I felt I wasted about 4 months of my life, my marriage, etc because I was constantly in a state of fear, anxiety, depression. All because I was scared during the end of my treatment and more so during the long recovery until I started to feel better. Every symptom I felt or had I immediatly thought I was getting sick again, and my mind and emotions went wild. It's hard stuff, I know. But everything is unknown- not just c diff. Some people do get sick for no apparent reason, no antibiotic, ppi use, what have you. It is strange, but some of us have the dormant spores apparently and for some they just open up randomly. I don't know how often that actually happens compared to those of us, like myself, who relapsed because of an antibiotic.

Regardless, here's what I do know. From experience, it is a complete waste of time and energy to sit around and worry about the possibility of getting sick. Did we do this before c diff? Nope, sure didn't. We lived our lives. That's what we should do now. Be thankful you are able to receive treatment and WILL GET BETTER! You will not have this forever trust me. There are so many treatment options available and one day a cure. Recovery is long and hard, I'm not gonna lie. But once you actually reach that place where you feel better- it's heaven :) look forward to that! And know it will come. I know it's hard to think that way but you have to make yourself. Whenever I start to feel low, and even now in this relapae I've had my days where it would be all too easy to sit here and cry and feel sorry for myself, I force myself to change my way of thinking. Tell yourself "this too shall pass" and "I will overcome, I will heal from this. It won't be overnight, but eventually this will be behind me" because that's all true!

You can't stall your life and feel down throughout this, it's only gonna make you worse in general. All over, I made myself feel worse because I worried so much all the time. Over everything! Soft Bms, stomach cramps, nausea, mucus, it all made me sick with worry. WASTE OF TIME. You can't control what c diff does or leaves behind. What you can control is how you handle it :) take your meds, probiotics, eat clean and bland, drink water, relax! And know this isn't forever.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE. Then you will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart"

He knows what he's doing :) He gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers! You've got this!

sevla
Regular Contributor
Posts: 338
Joined: Mon May 25, 2015 11:30 am

Re: Is there hope?

Postby sevla » Thu Jul 09, 2015 9:01 pm

Thanks a lot, Jackie! That was an amazing post - full of positve energy and thoughts.
I admire your optimistic and fight capacity! I also believe to be strong - but this has been really the toughest test to that so far. I worry about every single thing. Then, I worry as much about staph as I do about c diff. I am very traumatized of how this all started. However, as you said - worrying does not help get better, quite the contrary. I cannot go back either - so being angry about it all and feeling sorry for myself does not help. The right attitude is to look forward. As you said, we cannot control what c diff does to us but we can control how we approach it and live with it.

I will keep fighting and thinking positive! :-) I will also try not to worry about what could happen in the future. In general it is healthy to reduce stress, exercise and eat healthy. I will do all of that and go back to enjoy life as I used to do.

One day at a time.. :-)

NikaNik
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 699
Joined: Wed Mar 11, 2015 11:52 am

Re: Is there hope?

Postby NikaNik » Thu Jul 09, 2015 9:11 pm

I agree! Jackie, you always have a way of putting things in perspective when I'm heading down anxiety street lol. Thanks, girl! Sevla - you've got the right attitude. Keep on keeping on. One day c diff will be a distant memory for all of us! xo

beth22
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 10852
Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2009 2:23 pm

Re: Is there hope?

Postby beth22 » Thu Jul 09, 2015 9:42 pm

I did say that for me, c diff can come back unexpectedly - from stress and other things. But, it has not done that as a full blown infection - only low grade, but still enough to make me miserable. Nonetheless, I still work and I teach in a high school - probably one of the germiest places next to a hospital. Last year when I got whooping cough, it happened because I got sick from one of my students, but I still went back in the Fall and taught all year. I know that if I get sick with something and need an antibiotic, I will most likely relapse, but I still choose to work and expose myself to the germs. I also visit my mom a lot at the nursing facility and I don't avoid public places - traveling, airplanes, concerts, etc. You can't stop living your life. Yes, I do worry, but I don't let it prevent me from doing what I need to do. There are some days that I don't feel well at all, mostly from the post c diff stuff - SIBO, pancreatitis, etc.

I do believe that soon there will be other options for us - non antibiotic treatments. I look forward to that day and will be the first to ask my doctor to prescribe me something like that to balance my GI tract. Until then, I just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. I believe that God will see me through this and that one day I will be well. I just have to remember that it is in God's timing, not mine. I'm hoping it will be soon.

It's okay to have days when you feel very depressed and down. We all have them. If it weren't c difficile, it would probably be something else. It's only human. Just don't stay in that place - talk to someone, pm one of us, or do something that will make you feel better - pray, exercise, whatever it is. You will get better.

Bobbie
Administrator
Posts: 12688
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:00 pm

Re: Is there hope?

Postby Bobbie » Thu Jul 09, 2015 11:34 pm

C diff equals depression especially for those who don't recover right away. BUT most do. A few of us like Beth, Bea and I and others have longer periods of c diff. I always flinch when I read, "I've had c diff for two months. I can't stand this anymore."

What is your choice but to survive and make each day as meaningful as possible? When my son had c diff twice and when I had it three times years later, there were no support groups and even doc's knew little about c diff. All of our episodes were linked to additional antibiotics. A few develop it again for unknown reasons or perhap acquired in the community or through visiting someone in the hospital.

You are lucky to live in an age when knowledge about c diff is growing and many pharm.companies are investigating cures. Several will be available in 2016.

I, too,am a worrier and,"high strung." I saw a counselor for a long time although he retired recently. In fact, many of my doctors are retiring - the price of aging.

Find a way to cope that works for you - faith, exercise, reading, hobbies, counseling, anti- anxiety drugs or anti depressants if you and your doctor decide they are right for you. I can't tolerate anti depressants but tale a mild anti anxiety med to sleep at night. If I can sleep at night, I can handle the next day.

Eventually you wil be OK but it will take all the gumption you have. See CDI - Coping with c diff.

Hang in there because interest in c diff is exploding and you are living in this fortunate age.

sevla
Regular Contributor
Posts: 338
Joined: Mon May 25, 2015 11:30 am

Re: Is there hope?

Postby sevla » Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:59 am

Thank you Beth and Bobbie. You are certainly right in everything you say.

I know that it has not been too long of a fight for me, but it did turn my life upside down (which I am sure it did for most of the others as well). I have days where I can deal with it better and days where the worry consumes my mind. However I do know that I have to grab this thing by the horns and fight it, not let it walk all over me and leaving me on the floor hopeless. It's just a new test that was put in my life - and I shall fight to win it.

Thank you all again.

Jackie25
Regular Contributor
Posts: 383
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2015 6:28 pm

Re: Is there hope?

Postby Jackie25 » Fri Jul 10, 2015 8:11 am

Good attitude, sevla! I know at times it's hard to not crawl up in a ball and cry. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel :) it'll be a bumpy road but we will all get there. Stay hopeful and know that when you are having a bad day you can log on and post, or pm one of us for support! That's why I love this site so much, the wonderful people on the site have gotten me out of what seemed like just a deep hole I was stuck in.

You will win this fight, and it'll be your fantastic attitude that helps you get there :)

sevla
Regular Contributor
Posts: 338
Joined: Mon May 25, 2015 11:30 am

Re: Is there hope?

Postby sevla » Fri Jul 10, 2015 9:22 am

You are awesome - thanks, Jackie!

Everyone here is definitely so great - a very valuable support group.

kwiatek7
Regular User
Posts: 55
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2014 7:15 pm

Re: Is there hope?

Postby kwiatek7 » Fri Jul 10, 2015 10:56 am

Jackie I loved your post! You have a kind heart and soul.

Selva, how long have you been struggling with feeling this way? It’s been over a year for me and there are good days and bad. There was a time where it was really bad and my family didn’t want to hear it so I got professional help (counselling) and it helped. I don’t want to take any more medications; I am scared of side effects that I exhibit afterwards. I recently went to a naturalpath and he recommended some natural things (I know these are not really tested but I try to do my own research on the side). This can only get you so far because on off days your brain will go to the extreme and think of the worse. It’s just something we have to adjust to and not allow it to destroy/get the best of us and in time we will become experts at being stronger with winning this battle!

When I get nervous (before a date esp.), stress or become frustrated I get D so there is some connection between how we feel and our gut. What helps is trying to stay busy so you don’t have time to think about how unwell you might feel that day. Like others mentioned faith, exercise, new hobby, reading, helps. I always tell myself we are not given something that we cannot handle, even though at times I don’t know if I can handle it anymore. Always try to find the good in the bad.

Hope this helps, hang in there. Hugs!

sevla
Regular Contributor
Posts: 338
Joined: Mon May 25, 2015 11:30 am

Re: Is there hope?

Postby sevla » Fri Jul 10, 2015 2:36 pm

Thanks a lot kwiatek7! It has only been 2 months and 5 days, but for me personally it feels like an eternity. I used to live life 200mph. It has been a huge change and hard to deal with. I also have a harder time because I have had to cancel several work trips (Asia and Europe), as I can't possibly fly so far and risk getting very sick. I had gotten job promotion 3 months before all if this started and it has had a huge impact on how I am performing, etc. We all have these things we have to deal with and I agree that we just have to find a way of dealing with it and fighting it. I admire Beth for having worked for the most part of being sick.

I do read and am working - which is good as it definitely keeps mind busy. I also will see a therapist on Monday - just to check in and talk. I am not in a bad mental situation, just struggling to believe that there will be an end to this and that I can get my life back (200mph..).

Thanks again for all the support and nice words! Hope you continue to feel great for a very long time!

kwiatek7
Regular User
Posts: 55
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2014 7:15 pm

Re: Is there hope?

Postby kwiatek7 » Fri Jul 10, 2015 4:41 pm

2months and 5days does feel like an eternity but sooner than later time will start flying by (when you have more good than bad days). It sounds like you used to live way too fast and now that this happened to you learning how to slow down is the only option. Your body needed a break and after a while you will look at this situation and find a few positive things that came out of it; it’s hard to see this now. Trust me it’s not easy. I am like you (but have been dealing with this for much longer) and it’s not an easy boat but you will get through it!

When I got sick last year it was so hard going to work, at one point I wanted to go on short term disability and that was not an option for me; I understand what you’re going through. Like I always say everything happens for a reason; even though the reason is unknown and there is no good reason for this. Congrats on the promotion and I am sorry that you can’t fly right now but it’s doesn’t mean in a few months you won’t be able to. You will get better and stronger with time. You will get closer to your (200 mph) lifestyle but it will take time. Hope the therapy session goes well and helps you.

sevla
Regular Contributor
Posts: 338
Joined: Mon May 25, 2015 11:30 am

Re: Is there hope?

Postby sevla » Fri Jul 10, 2015 6:12 pm

Thanks so much, Kwiatek7! I am so sorry that you have been fighting this for so long.. Hope you will feel 100% soon.
I will also be happy with 100%..

This afternoon my heart crushed..as I went to a dermatologist this afternoon and when he checked my neck and said to take bactrim. I almost fainted right there. I told him I canteen because my c diff is back..so he gave me bactroban. It is a never ending story..

beth22
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 10852
Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2009 2:23 pm

Re: Is there hope?

Postby beth22 » Fri Jul 10, 2015 8:37 pm

What really bugs me is that these doctors are so quick to prescribe antibiotics without even trying something milder like a cream first. Thankfully, my dermatologist gave me the Bactroban last year for my hand infection and it worked and I didn't have to take the antibiotics. Let us know how you do, Sevla.


Return to “Got a suggestion or complaint? Want to vent?”



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 17 guests