Angry/Venting/*#&*@

You can do it here... but no profanity, naming specific names, etc. Try to be constructive. Suggestions to improve the board or discussion forums are always appreciated.
NikaNik
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 699
Joined: Wed Mar 11, 2015 11:52 am

Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby NikaNik » Tue Mar 17, 2015 10:59 am

I just need a place to post how angry I am at c. diff... (I know so many of you have been suffering more and for longer).

Food: I used to LOVE food (and coffee!) and looked forward to trying a new cuisine each day at lunch (I work in NYC). I also married into an off-the-boat Italian family where Sunday dinners were/are pizza, raviolis, baked ziti, stuffed clams, cheesy garlic bread. With c. diff I’m lucky to get down some gluten-free antibiotic free breaded chicken and rice (with a Boost!) or some other bland food. I’m tiny already and it’s so hard to keep the weight on. I cry all the time and when I check Facebook I see my friends out eating whatever they want, having a drink, going on vacation. I’m so jealous and think to myself, “I used to be one of you!” Will I ever be again?

Travel: I used to LOVE to travel. My husband and I are wedding photographers. We have a wedding in Mexico next year and prior to c. diff I couldn’t wait (I’ve never been there before). Now I am terrified! Not only to travel, but of picking something else up while I’m there and needing antibiotics. Anyone else travel or afraid of this?

Family: Last year I had several surgeries for a large fibroid tumor that had caused me to be severely anemic. The surgery was a total success and my fertility was saved! Previously I had always said I never wanted children (thought I was getting too old and didn’t want the responsibility). But the surgery changed something in me and my husband and I had both been talking about trying soon. Thanks to c. diff I’m afraid that won’t happen as I’m much too scared of needing an antibiotic during the pregnancy (I keep reading that UTIs are common) or during delivery or picking up some new infection there! Not to mention kids are so germy I’m terrified of coming down with something when they are little.

Bowel habits: Pre c. diff I had guts of steel and pooped once, maybe twice a day like a champ (right after the morning coffee!). Ah, the life… lol. Will this ever happen again? Will I ever feel like myself? Are some people never cured of this even after FMT? I cry all the time over these thoughts.

Pre c. diff I thanked God every morning for my life and I still do. On the plus side, I can see and walk and hear and laugh and my stools are so far so good on the Dificid (once or twice a day, formed, yay!). And I’m grateful to feel well enough to come to work where I have incredible health insurance…even if I just want to lay at home and throw a giant pity party for us all with a big ol’ ice cream cake!

Bobbie
Administrator
Posts: 12688
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:00 pm

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby Bobbie » Tue Mar 17, 2015 8:55 pm

See Chat Forum - topic "What has c diff done to your life?" It has robbed all of us. D...n infection.

Go ahead and vent. You deserve to do so.

Misscshell24
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 420
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2014 3:41 pm

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby Misscshell24 » Tue Mar 17, 2015 9:03 pm

I can relate to ALL of what you said. I've kind of taken a break from Facebook because I'm jealous of people being able to do things and others that complain about having a cold for a couple days. I'd love to be able to only be sick for a couple days and actually get better. I also find myself watching movies (because that's the main thing I've done for months, lol) and being jealous of the actors and curious if any famous people have ever had c diff. Oh, the places my mind goes, lol.

I try not to look at things from day to day, but look back weeks or months to see how far I've come. I've also developed a few personal mantras like "this too shall pass" or "it will be worth it if it works." I look forward to being able to look back at this whole mess and it being a distant memory.

Vent, let it out, that's what we're here for, and save me a piece of ice cream cake! It's my favorite :)
Michelle

teresajo103
Regular Contributor
Posts: 244
Joined: Thu Dec 04, 2014 5:34 pm

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby teresajo103 » Tue Mar 17, 2015 11:13 pm

Well....I think we all get it.....and sometimes it does us all good to know someone else feels the same. You have every right to feel like you do. Cdiff is horrible and it is uncomfortable and it just ticks me off. I hope things settle down for you and you feel better real soon. Rant on!!!!

P.s. I want cake too please!!

beth22
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 10852
Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2009 2:23 pm

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby beth22 » Wed Mar 18, 2015 12:51 am

You have youth on your side and hopefully your life will be normal soon again. Those of us who are older don't seem to kick this as quickly.

NikaNik
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 699
Joined: Wed Mar 11, 2015 11:52 am

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby NikaNik » Wed Mar 18, 2015 11:13 am

Bobbie - Thanks so much. I'm praying for a 100% cure every day. Maybe this SER 109 is it!

Misscshell - Exactly! Granted, I used to complain about silly things too but now all I think about is how to rid myself of this thing for good. It is all consuming and I am mentally drained. I do the same thing with movies/actors and wondering if they've had it. Sometimes I get sad because I'll be watching one of my favorite movies and think, "The last time I saw this I was healthy." Gah. Hate c diff so much!

Teresa - Ticks me off, too! Will save you a slice of ice cream cake with the crunchy stuff (the best part!).

Beth - Thanks for the encouragement. Hope you are well!

justme
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 764
Joined: Mon Aug 19, 2013 3:31 pm

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby justme » Wed Mar 18, 2015 7:32 pm

NikaNik:
I know exactly how you feel about the inability to eat food that you love. I was raised in the Mexican/American culture and Mexican food is probably my favorite food in the world. In fact, not being the best cook overall, it is probably the one type of food I can cook really well. Now after C.Diff, I can no longer enjoy tacos, burritos, enchiladas, etc. Gone too is ice cream, cookies, red velvet cupcakes, and lemon meringue pie and of course, double cheese pizza. However, you may be able to tolerate some Italian food as your healing progresses. I can tolerate garlic seasoning and a light amount of tomato sauce and I hope you will once again be able enjoy your sumptuous Italian family gatherings after your colon heals. Hang in there, you will heal eventually. Some of us are slower healers (mostly due to age and/or underlying health conditions), but most C. Diff sufferers heal fairly quickly and are able to indulge their cravings and live the lives they enjoy once again.
Take care and good luck.
Aloha,
Anne

Bobbie
Administrator
Posts: 12688
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:00 pm

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby Bobbie » Thu Mar 19, 2015 7:32 pm

NIkaNik,

Look forward to returning to your two wonderful jobs. I am a free lance writer - but talk about writing more than I write although I've been published numerous times - nothing famous however. Allis is also an editor. Creative jobs are the best!

NikaNik
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 699
Joined: Wed Mar 11, 2015 11:52 am

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby NikaNik » Mon Mar 23, 2015 1:33 pm

Thank you, Bobbie! I agree - creative jobs really are the best! Congrats on getting published - it's an awesome feeling!

I've been working since diagnosed (I have a two-hour commute to NYC so I've hardly worked a full week due to either symptoms/snow/fatigue etc. but I do the best I can and am so thankful they are understanding). As for our photography business - clients hire us as a husband/wife team so I get out there and kick butt as much as I can, and just take one day at a time. This has taught me patience in spades. Not that I am a very good student of that, but I'm trying. : )

august14
Regular User
Posts: 44
Joined: Wed May 06, 2015 8:13 pm

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby august14 » Wed May 06, 2015 8:28 pm

This is old but I'm new to the site and just wanted to say I feel the same way. I'm 25 and pregnant with my 2nd, have had to cancel a start day for a new job, have been in the hospital, and can't find a doctor who seems to want to help me even though Vancomycin treatments haven't worked. Too much liability while pregnant. I. am. so. fed. up. I feel like I'm running out of options and the best people seem to want to do is refer me to another doctor.

beth22
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 10852
Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2009 2:23 pm

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby beth22 » Wed May 06, 2015 8:31 pm

How far along are you with the pregnancy?

august14
Regular User
Posts: 44
Joined: Wed May 06, 2015 8:13 pm

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby august14 » Wed May 06, 2015 8:45 pm

18 weeks tomorrow.

NikaNik
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 699
Joined: Wed Mar 11, 2015 11:52 am

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby NikaNik » Wed May 06, 2015 9:50 pm

Hi, August!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! So sorry you have c diff. All of us here know how emotionally draining, physically exhausting and just plain annoying it is but while pregnant I can't imagine. My heart goes out to you and I hope the c diff leaves ASAP!

I wrote this post almost two months ago and never would've imagined that I would feel so much better now. t's early-on yet, but I am just over three weeks out, appetite is better than it's been in months, energy is back (I'm a editor and photographer and shot a 14-hour wedding on Friday!). Previously I had only made it 3-5 days off Flagyl and Vanco before. I pray hard every day that it's gone for me and all of us here!

I'm not sure if Dificid is an option during pregnancy but it has a lower relapse rate than Vanco. My doc prescribed me the standard 10 day, 2 pills a day treatment, then 20 days of 1 pill a day along with something called Enteragam (a medical food for IBS). I was on Vanco for around 8 days while waiting to start the regimen. Another poster here did well with the taper pulse of Dificid. Maybe it's something you could ask your doc about?

Blessings to you and your upcoming little one!
Nikki

august14
Regular User
Posts: 44
Joined: Wed May 06, 2015 8:13 pm

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby august14 » Fri May 08, 2015 1:40 pm

Thanks for the suggestion, I'll ask. I just want to get to the recovery part of this. The first time flagyl worked for five/six months, and by the fifth month I was starting to feel sort of normal and could eat more foods. I'm at the point of thinking fmt is my only real option to really get rid of this, but I know there is a small chance dificid could work where vanco didn't (unless on a full dose.) I'll ask. :)

sevla
Regular Contributor
Posts: 338
Joined: Mon May 25, 2015 11:30 am

Re: Angry/Venting/*#&*@

Postby sevla » Thu Jun 11, 2015 5:26 pm

As I am reading some of the threads and stories I came across this one.
So many of us can relate to Nikki! I feel so freaking frustrated but am determined to fight this freaking nasty bug and get my life back..it is all consuming. I even deactivated my Facebook a week ago because I could not stand looking at my friends summer vacation trips, etc without being so jealous and feeling sorry for myself...


Return to “Got a suggestion or complaint? Want to vent?”



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 28 guests