shopping + crying

[Nancy1]

One of my friends said to me yesterday, "You really have to get new pants. Yours are so baggy." I guess it's been my denial, but I have been hoping to gain back at least some of the 27 pounds I have lost to this beast in 3 months. But she is right, none of my pants fit me anymore. So I went to the store today. Of course, I had no idea what my new size was. I used to be a 12 - 14, finally discovered I'm now an 8. I thought, almost anyone else would be delighted to be shopping for size 8 pants. All I wanted to do was cry. I bought 2 pairs in a big hurry, which was all I could do before I had to run to my car to sob. It's another sad acknowledgement that this is real, that I am sick.

I know you folks will understand. (I'm now eating 5 times/day, small meals because I'm just not hungry, recently added Ensure. What happens is that on vanco, as I am now, I can maintain my weight, but it is hard to gain. Then I lose weight really fast during relapses: 7 pounds in 3 days during my last relapse.) What I would give to be fat and healthy!

[Marcia]

I understand the feeling Nancy1. Just a few days ago i put my favorite jeans (5 pairs) on ebay they were barely used and a size 2!!! got almost $300 out of them. I was hoping i'd gain all the weight back, I don't see it happening, getting rid of them was like therapy and accepting myself the way it is now and not the way it was. I use to cry all the time when i looked at the pictures around the house and went back in time when the picture was taken. There was a time where i would not invest in buying new clothes, first i did not know what size i was anymore, second what if "it" returned; i would lose weight again and third I did not want to spend more money incase i had to spend on medication. It was really hard. I was around 116lbs before c diff, 102 after and now i think i might be 106 or 108lbs. Everybody around me all they seem to talk about is what new diet they are trying, to lose weight. I want some junk in the trunk!!

[Bobbie]

Nancy and Marcia,
I can identify. When I got out of the hospital after my first episode with C. diff. (also pneunonia in both lungs, sinusitis, and a UTI), I weighed 102 pounds at 5 ft. 5 in. tall. My son graduated from high school, and because his class was so large, the ceremony was in the gym at the junior college. I was so weak I could hardly walk up the steps. Somehow I managed to give a grad. party for him and overheard some of his friends talking about "How awful Chris's mother looks. Wonder what is wrong with her?" (By the way, two of the parents who attended the party are dead. I'm still around.)

It took me a long time to build my body back up. I supplemented regular meals with Ensure -- disgusting stuff that it is. I also exercised regularly for stress and because I developed osteoporosis and other health issues. Who knows if they are related to the C. diff.? (My guess is "yes.")

You'll gain the weight back, but it's discouraging to think of "then" and "now." But this is "now," so concentrate on making each day the best it can be. Do something fun for YOU every day. You'll get over C. diff. eventually, but you'll never get this time back. (End of sermon.)

I've had C. diff. twice -- first time for four years. Had it again the next time I took an antibiotic for another bout of pneumonia. (No choice, it was an antibiotic or die, and I thought about chosing death.) I'm a great candidate for it again but try not to think about it. (My son also had it twice. What wonderful genes I passed on to him!) At the word antibiotic, I get cold chills.

[cindym]

I can attest to the fact that Reuteri by Nature's Way stopped me losing weight almost immediately and slowly I started gaining it back. It stimulated my appetite also. You guys might try it.......several have and it works!

[Rose2]

I can sssoooooooooo relate to the depressed feelings around weight loss. I'm 5'3" and used to weight 120 pounds. Now I weigh 106 pounds with no end in sight. I just don't seem to be able to put weight back on. I also have no patience with hearing people around me talking about dieting.

My answer to the weight loss and clothing issue was to buy a bunch of drawstring pants. That way, I can adjust the waist and not be made so aware every time I put on clothes of how much weight I've lost. I love loose baggy clothes, anyway, so drawstring pants fit the bill!

I look forward to the days when each of us can celebrate one by one, being cured and getting fatter!

Rose

[Nancy1]

Thanks so much for your sympathy and ideas. I had actually ordered reuteri on the net just before my dad took a turn for the worse and we had to drop everything and fly to West Virginia. So I cancelled that order. I do plan to order it again once my life gets to be less chaotic.

Hugs and healing to everyone.

[Christina]

I have only lost about 6-7 pounds with c-diff which I've had since last June.I've been on Vanco since October now and since then I have gained all my weight plus an extra pound or two back.I'm a very small person,4'11",so I'm up to about 103 or so.I was 102 when this started.The lowest I got was about 97 lbs.Unfortunately my jeans no longer fit over my thighs and I can't buckle them either.I'm going to try walking again as I used to every day for an hour before c-diff.I have not been able to since I've been sick.I'm going to take it slow and see how it goes.I refuse to by new pants!!!

[Nancy1]

Cindy,

I finally got some reuteri last Tuesday (a week ago) and I agree with you, it seems to be helping my appetite. Hurray! I am more hungry than I have been since all this started, and I can eat almost normal-sized meals. On the scale this morning, it looks like I've gained 2 pounds (but my weight fluctuates so I'm not sure that's real). Thank you, thank you for that suggestion.

[cindym]

Nancy1- You should start to feel a lot better too within a week to two weeks! My appetite really got back to normal in a short time after discovering the reuteri. Of course, being the first to find it.......it took me being sick 2 years prior to finding out about it. It truly is the ONLY probiotic that has ever helped me. Soothed my tummy and stops the rumblings too! Good luck and glad to help!

[Marry]

I must be the only one that is fine with the weight loss. Now that I am C-Diff free I am afraid I will gain it all back!

[cindym]

Marry- I lost 60 pounds within the first 3 months of my illness and trust me I would not recommend that diet to anyone! Thank God I had the weight to lose but the worry always come back to me after gaining some of it back.........WHAT IF CDIFF starts up again to the point the weight starts falling off again. I don't have another 60 to lose. I think this is why most people worry about their weight loss. It wasn't planned. I literally melted!

[Marry]

I hear ya Cindy. I lost 30 lbs through all this. I also could afford to lose it. I drank lots if Ensure or would have lost more.

It is hard when someone says, "Wow, you look great." and you know what you are going through. I had one doctor that notice the weight loss and in a jovial manner said, "I see you are on the C-Diff diet." I didn't find any humor in that.

[apoppyrabbit]

I have a different reason to cry when I shop. I can only last for a little while before I have to find a bathroom...quick.

[Nancy1]

apoppyrabbit,
Love your name! And I surely know about having to run for the bathroom (and sometimes not running fast enough!). I learned to locate bathrooms first, before doing anything else.

[Katy]

Sorry to all of those that are or have lost weight that they can't really afford to lose :( Hope you all gain back whatever it is you need to.

I'm like Marry though. I could stand to lose the weight, and although I'd definitely not recommend the "C-diff Diet (whoever it was that had that in their post, I found that pretty funny hehe).

I lost 25-30 lbs. within 2-3 months and so far haven't gained any of it back, which I am happy about. I can still stand to lose more but do not relish the idea of doing it "in the bathroom".

Good luck to all of you that are trying to gain your weigh back :)

Nancy, I rarely leave my house because I'm afraid I'll have an accident in public and I refuse to wear Depends LOL I bought some in the very beginning but have yet to even be able to bring myself to use them in my house, haha! I bought them mainly for "overnight accidents", but thankfully my second bout hasn't been as horrendous as the first, so I haven't even opened the package and hope I won't ever have too LOL