So scared,angry and depressed

You can do it here... but no profanity, naming specific names, etc. Try to be constructive. Suggestions to improve the board or discussion forums are always appreciated.
Christina
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 1718
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:13 pm

So scared,angry and depressed

Postby Christina » Fri Dec 02, 2005 8:46 pm

I am really having a hard time dealing with this as some of you may have noticed by my posts.Today I actually thought of ending it all.My stomach is gurgling more than ever and it feels as though it's going to rip open at the sides.I'm confused by the Dr.'s .I'm confused by what's going on and I'm confused as to what to do next.
I have my kids 7 and 10 and they see me falling apart.They are my life and I've done everything for them and with them up until all of this happened.Now I don't feel like a Mom anymore or anything anymore for that matter.
Everything I read says you can die from this and it scares the heck out of me.I am having a really hard time convincing myself that it really will go away some day.I just feel doomed for the rest of my life.Anyway I jusy had to get this out because no one here really seems to understand what I'm going through.

whitepine
Regular Contributor
Posts: 395
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 11:20 pm

a friend

Postby whitepine » Sat Dec 03, 2005 12:27 am

Well, I understand. i am sitting here in a world of pain. My intestine feels like it is going to explode. I just had a totally normal looking bowel movement, and afterwards, it feels like I have been punched in the guts. Then the cramping starts and it never goes away. i have been in pain all year. i got c.diff in january and I am still suffering. I am very isolated, and dont want to see anyone when I am this sick.
So, you are not alone. I just need to find a good doctor. I am not afraid of the treatment, i am afraid of the hospital, and the stress and the emotional hell of the nurses and staff, and being alone.
We have to keep fighting. Youre not alone out here tonight.
Crampy in NY.

Bobbie
Administrator
Posts: 12688
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:00 pm

Postby Bobbie » Sat Dec 03, 2005 1:02 am

Christina,
If you are thinking about suicide, you need to see a professonal mental health counselor ASAP.

Everyone who posts on this site has (or had) C. diff. or have family members who do. Some have had C. diff. for years. How can you say no one understands?

All signs post to your recovery. As I remember, you are young and don't have other health problems. C. diff. is particularly hard on the elderly and those who have other diseases or immune problems.

C. diff. cases are growing rapidly, but many of the news reports are about the new Canadian strain which appears to be more lethal.

Please see a counselor.

cindym
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 1660
Joined: Fri Aug 16, 2002 8:10 pm

Postby cindym » Sat Dec 03, 2005 1:04 am

Christina- I just PM'd you and forgot to say that it is also very normal to feel isolated and like no one cares about you. You have to realize that unless people have ever had a bacterial disease they have absolutely no clue as to how sick and miserable you are. You just have to overlook the lack of compassion and concentrate on feeling better and doing all you can do to get there. Hang on girlfriend!

Whitepine- I would definitely seek another doctor at this point in time and be retested as I explained in a post on another link.

To both of you------If you feel you are not getting proper treatment and have read all the post on this site and internet about cdiff to make you even believe it more..........CHANGE DOCTORS.......I have done it several times to finally find one that understands and helps me.
Cindy

Christina
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 1718
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:13 pm

Postby Christina » Sat Dec 03, 2005 9:33 am

I know everyone here understands.You all seem to be the only ones.I am really so grateful that I have found all of you because I think if I hadn't i wouldn't have made it this long.In fact that is a fact!!
You all help to keep me as sane as I can be right now and really do give me hope that this will go someday.I think all the newspaper artciles and other stuff I read just really scare the heck out of me.I suppose if this was going to kill me it would have happened when it first started and not now.
Thank you all for everything you do and continue to do.This board is really helping people and I am proof of that!!!

Bobbie
Administrator
Posts: 12688
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:00 pm

Postby Bobbie » Sat Dec 03, 2005 11:16 am

christina,
You sound much better today. I am glad as I and others are concerned about you.

All of us have felt the same way at some time, but suicide is a permanent way to try and solve a temporary problem. Your family (esp. your children) would never get over it.

Remember, a lot of the media reports are sensationlized to gain readership. Cases of C. diff. are increasing, however, which is good -- perhaps it will generate more interest in a cure.

decoulisa
New User
Posts: 13
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 12:55 pm

depression due to cdiff

Postby decoulisa » Sun Dec 18, 2005 1:46 pm

Hi-thought my first bout with c-diff was over last monday when the doctor took me off the vanco. However, Thursday I started with the symptoms again and by Friday I knew it had come back. He started me on another 2 week round of vanco. I don't know, but I am so down due to this. The vanco makes me tired and lethargic. Anybody else have side effects with vanco or is it all in my head? Thanks

Knitter
Regular Contributor
Posts: 382
Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2005 4:02 pm

depression due to c.diff.

Postby Knitter » Mon Dec 19, 2005 6:06 am

I also am very lethargic, tired all the time, no strength. I don't know if that is from the Vanco or not. Cindy suggested to me that I try B12 shots to see if that would help bring my strength back to "normal". She says it really helped her. I have been unable to get in to the doctor about this, but am considering it for after Christmas. Hey, after all, what's it going to do, constipate me? LOL.
Vancocin 250 mg. 4 X daily, Bio-K+, 4 acidophilis pills. IBS, Type II Diabetes, A-typical Menieres. C. Diff. 6X/11 months til May/2006; recurred Sept. 26, 2010.
Take care, stay safe and be happy!
Knitter

Christina
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 1718
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:13 pm

Postby Christina » Mon Dec 19, 2005 8:28 am

I've been on Vanco since October.At first it did make me tired but now my body has adjusted and it no longer bothers me.It can also make you very nauseas.I've had C-diff since June and C-diff can also make you very lethargic and tired.In the first few months of having it I slept almost all of the time.It could be a combo of both.

rad_deb
New User
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2006 4:07 am

Scared angry and depressed

Postby rad_deb » Tue Feb 21, 2006 5:04 am

Christina, I am new to this support group. I had 5 years after the first year that were great. Until I got a abscess that would not go away. Took 5 weeks of antibiotics and still had it excised. I used to tell my doctor that sometimes my tummy felt like when I was pregnant. LOUD and and hurt like hell. After reading your post, I wanted you not to give up. You can beat this,some of us 4 or 5 times.
I hope you feel better Christina. REMEMBER HOPE it is a very powerful word. Gotta have hope
Take care Christina
Rad

Christina
Long Time Contributor
Posts: 1718
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:13 pm

Postby Christina » Tue Feb 21, 2006 9:50 am

Thanks rad_deb for the kinds words.I'm handeling things quite a bit better with this latest relapse.

Bobbie
Administrator
Posts: 12688
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:00 pm

Postby Bobbie » Tue Feb 21, 2006 12:30 pm

Christina,
You are handling this relapse so much better.

We all have the same reactions with C. diff.: horror, disbelief, and then panic. After we learn to live with it and not let it control our lives, it is easier to control the depression, feeling of hopelessness, and lethargy that accompany any chronic disease.

While having C. diff., you might as well be doing something productive, too. A college class is a wonderful start.


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