Lines supposedly said by patients during a colonoscopy

[Allison]

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
6. "You know, in West Virginia, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?

[Bobbie]

Allison,

Love this, and it's so true. (I especially love #4.)

We can just hope every doctor who does this "procedure"what has to have one (or many) him or herself. And may he/she not be "out" completely so he/she can savor the experience.

Note to anyone having this procedure: Usually, you are "out" completely. Say "Make my knees" weak and scream loudly if you feel anything. This is not a time to be brave!

[Knitter]

Oh my, (wiping streaming eyes) how I needed that laugh! Thanks so much. They did NOT put me out for that test when I had it several years ago. I was completely awake. I remember laying there with my butt in the air one minute and the next minute (or I thought it was) the doctor was patting my cheek to wake me up because I had passed out. He kept saying "I'm so sorry darling, are you ok darling? I'm so sorry to hurt you dear". At least he was sympathetic! Hopefully I won't have to have that test EVER again. ....Are WE there yet?

[Bobbie]

Knitter,
I've had four or five (but who is counting?) colonscopies and one flexsig (which I demanded sedation for). I wasn't completely out for the last two scopes and wasn't a happy camper about it, but since I am a suspicious and questioning patient, I probably don't "go out" easily.

[Knitter]

hahaha, you are getting sleeeeeeepppppyyyyyy, sleeeeeepppppyyyyyy!!!

[Allison]

I LOVE THAT VERSED!!!

I don't know how you can manage these procedures without it! Brave soul!
Problem is, I'm one of those people who "tells stories" when drifting off to la-la land. One of the procedure nurses gets a kick out of it and always tells me what I had to say afterwards. OMG!!!

Apparently, during an EDG this past summer, I kept asking doc if he would be willing to scope my dog - sort of a "two for one" deal, so we could slide him in under our people insurance. When my husband told me the nurse said this to him I about passed out (again), but instantly knew where it was coming from...
Weeks before, our dog ate some garden mulch and got terrible gastritis. The vet feared a blockage, or worse, a torsion, so he ordered a barium scan with small bowel follow through. He had to stay at vet hospital overnight and the total bill was $350.00. OUCH! Must have been on my mind when I went under.

I guess this is a fairly common phenomenon for some people, and of course I have to be one of them. Most folks here on the boards know I don't hesitate to speak my mind, and it's gotten me into trouble all my life. My husband calls it "The disease where as soon as a thought enters your head, it goes straight to your mouth". lol
By god, I can't even escape it while sedated!!!

[Bobbie]

I, too, suffer from "Foot in Mouth Disease." One would think that at my age, I would have learned to "stifle it," but often have problems doing so. In my next life, I am going to be very quiet, and people will think I am very wise -- how would they know differently?

[Knitter]

Oh my gosh Allison, that is so funny. The poor dog! How would you do the ummmm clean out before hand on him/her? I can see it all now. Here Spot, drink this.......

And Bobbie, Foot and Mouth disease was my specialty when younger, or so my parents said. The older I get the more sedate at times, at other times "watch out world, here I come". I guess some things never change.