Relationships

[Bobbie]

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going to STICK!

Careful.

CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always
forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

[desert]

eeeeeeee!!!! this egg one is hysterical! my husband and i laughed so hard. then my husband for the next half hour would have a spontaneous little chuckle pop out!

you are *good*. i've been online so long and there is so much that is old to me, but all yours are so fresh and funny!

elizabeth

[Bobbie]

desert,
I "get" all the jokes from a friend who insists on forwarding me four or five a day. I rarely participate in "forwards" but save the best of hers for this site when I "glean" out my Emails.

[diane]

thanks for the laughs... my husband and I loved them!!!! Especially the driving one!!! LOL