Shopping With a Bored Husband

[Bobbie]

SHOPPING WITH A BORED HUSBAND

Did you ever wonder what a husband does while he is in a store
waiting on his wife to shop? Here is a letter that one wife received.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us
again, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses
over the past few months... all verified by our surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3 in House wares!"..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a camping tent in the sporting goods department,
and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from
the Bedding
department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled "PICK ME!, PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices
again!!!!"

....and; last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a
while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"