Fie on Forwards

[Bobbie]

I'm a free-lance writer. Had this published in a local magazine several years ago for $80.00. Most money I've made in years!

Fie on forwards
By Bobbie.... .....

I have a love-hate relationship with e-mail messages. They are a quick, effective way to correspond, but some people overdo it.

If you send me an e-mail (and I'd love to hear from you), make it personal, please, and don't twitter me. I have enough problems with Facebook and its soul-searching questions, such as "What are you doing at this moment?" or "What's on your mind right now?"

My top e-mail dislike is forwarded messages. I rank these "forwards" 1 through 5, based on my guilt over noncompliance:

The Prayer Forward. These usually involve a catastrophic disease (often in children) or one asking me to pray for military personnel fighting for our country. What if a child or a soldier dies because I don't take the time to do as asked? I suffer major guilt over these.

The Warning Forward. These offer dire predictions about computer viruses, potential epidemics that could wipe out the planet, or financial scams. I'm never sure whether they hold any truth (even after checking http://www.Snopes.com), so I usually ignore them. I don't feel guilty now, but if the Internet collapses or the world is ravaged by a plague, I'll know it's my fault!

The Political Forward. There are several forms of this computer animal. One asks me to contact federal and state officials about an important issue, add my name to a list, and forward the information to everyone in my address book. I often agonize until the "sell by" date is over and it's too late. Call it the coward's way out. The other political e-mail is the "Believe As I Believe" message, which demands I vote for a particular candidate or political issue. I have no qualms about not answering or forwarding these. My beliefs are my business.

The Friendship Forward. These gush about what a wonderful friend I am and direct me to forward the e-mail to other friends within a specified amount of time (usually an hour or two) or I'll have bad luck. The amount of luck is based on the number of people I contact and how rapidly I comply. These are similar to chain letters of the past. I never participated in those, and my luck isn't the best. Could this be the reason? If someone is my friend, why would she/he group me with a group of other friends (or friends of friends) and wish possible disaster on all of us? Ignore, no guilt!

The Funny Forward. Although some of these are funny, humor is subjective. I've asked people to stop sending them, but they persist. One friend sends me several every day with promises such as "You'll love this!" or "This is hysterical. Be sure and read." Again, delete!

I do have one funny e-mail I'd like to share, however. Google "Charlie bit my finger." If you don't think this is hilarious, remember, "Humor is in the mind of the beholder." You don't need to forward this to anyone. I won't wish you bad luck.

Bobbie ... ..... is a retired paralegal who lives in ...., KS